


Will you help me?

by wishfulwriter



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2019-11-06 16:50:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishfulwriter/pseuds/wishfulwriter
Summary: The war changed everything between Tommy and Y/N and there's a lot they don't know about each other nowadays. Polly's insistence and Tommy's 'business' reveal things they would both rather keep locked away. Will she help him? And will he help her?





	1. Prologue

A sigh leaves Y/N’s lips as she hears the first brawling men come into The Garrison. She knows more will be arriving soon and she usually makes sure she’s gone by the time most of them arrive, but today she has work to catch up on, so she’ll be stuck here for a bit longer. After a while she throws her pen down in frustration; all the noise is making it impossible for her to focus. It’s actually somewhat of a relief when the door opens, and someone stumbles into the room.

A laughing John Shelby enters and gives her something to focus on other than her growing frustration with Harry’s bookkeeping. “Yeah, yeah I’ll be right there!” John shouts into the pub before he turns around and notices her. “Ey Y/N didn’t know you were still here. What are you doing here this late?” He asks as he closes the door behind him to shut out some of the noise.

“I was ill for the past two days, so I have some work to catch up on.” Y/N tells him as she gestures to the paperwork in front of her. “What are you doing back here?” She asks in return.

“We’re running low out there and Harry said there was a crate of whiskey back here.” John explains as he looks around the room until his eyes find the crate in the corner. “You should join us for a drink, we haven’t seen you in ages.” He says as he lifts up the crate. She shakes her head but before she can say anything John steps closer and speaks up again. “C’mon just one drink. We’ve all missed you. Aunt Poll is out tonight as well.”

Y/N is still somewhat hesitant. She tends to avoid pubs nowadays. The noise combined with the pushing and shoving and handsy men make her feel uncomfortable in ways she never would have imagined a few years ago. She has however missed interacting with people and it would be nice to catch up with the Shelby’s; she hasn’t spoken to Polly in a while. “Alright, one drink.”

“Good.” John grins as he heads to the door. Y/N quickly restacks the papers on the desk and follows John. John hands the crate over to Harry as Y/N closes the door to the office. She makes sure to stay close to John in order to avoid at least part of the crowd as they part for him. She’s relieved to see John heading towards the private room; at least that will be a little calmer. “Oi guys guess who I found!” John's voice bounces off the walls as he steps into the room.

Four pairs of eyes focus on him as his body is still keeping them from seeing Y/N. “Well?” Polly asks as she raises her eyebrows. “Who did you find?” As soon as the question has left her mouth John moves further into the room and Y/N comes into view. “Y/N how lovely to see you. It’s been too long.” Polly smiles as she gestures for the younger woman to step into the room.

“Yeah sorry about that, life has been busy.” Y/N says as she steps inside and closes the door. A quick look around shows her that the only seat left that wouldn’t require her to climb over anyone is next to Tommy, so that’s where she sits down. She's actually somewhat glad to be sitting next to him; she's sure that unlike his brother's he won't get too rowdy as the night goes on.

“Well whatever’s the reason, it’s good to see you.” Arthur grins at her from the other side of the table, where he’s sitting with Finn. “Here have a drink.” He says as he pours some whiskey into an empty glass and slides to her side of the table.

She sends him a grateful smile as she picks up the glass and takes a sip. As she puts it down, Tommy wordlessly offers her a cigarette. She accepts it with a slight nod, which he returns before he lights it for her. They maintain eye contact for a bit longer, before they both turn their heads to blow out the smoke. As always Polly observes the exchange between the two. There’s something strangely intimate about any interaction between Tommy and Y/N, and it fascinates Polly.

Y/N feels herself relax as the conversation starts up again and she’s glad she agreed to join them. Arthur is in the middle of a story when she feels Tommy’s eyes on her. He doesn’t look away when she turns her head to face him, so she gives him a questioning look. “You’ve barely touched your drink.” Tommy states as he gestures to her glass.

Her eyes drift to the glass on the table. She finished her first glass and plans to drink her second as slowly as possible, so Arthur won’t fill up her glass for a third time. It has been quite some time since she last drank more than two glasses of alcohol a night, and for good reason. “I’m starting work early tomorrow, so it’s best if I don’t drink too much. You know what I’m like after a few.” She forces a smile as the lie falls from her lips.

Tommy simply nods in reply. He does know what she’s like when she’s drunk, but the last time he saw her like that was before the war and that definitely took more than two drinks. He had actually always been impressed by how well she could handle her liquor, so her excuse makes no sense. He knows she’s not telling the truth, but if she doesn’t want to tell him she probably has her reasons. Besides, they’re not as close as they were before the war, so it’s really not his place to pry. Though that doesn’t stop him from thinking about what the truth may be.

Polly once again sees the exchange and notices that Tommy’s eyes don’t waver from Y/N’s face even when her attention is already back on the others. Polly, and everyone else for that matter, knows that if it hadn’t been for the war Tommy and Y/N would probably be married now. But the war did happen, and they were both never the same. Haunted by grief and trauma the two went their own ways. Tommy put all his energy and focus on creating a better future for his family by whatever means necessary. While Y/N desperately started to avoid large gatherings and rowdy men, wanting to live out her days with as little commotion as possible. There is no bad blood between the two, Polly doesn’t even know if they ever officially ended their relationship, or if they just stopped talking and left everything unsolved. She does know that her nephew still keeps an eye on Y/N. And that Y/N seems to be less tense when she’s near Tommy. In all honesty Polly doesn’t understand why the two don’t just try again, because from what she can see they could both use the help.


	2. Fresh cuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Y/N gain some fresh cuts, both on the outside and the inside.

When Y/N makes her way to The Garrison in the morning, she crosses paths with Tommy on his horse. He stops next to her on the side of the road to give her a chance to look at it. He knows how much she likes horses, but she doesn’t really have any opportunities to be around them. “He’s beautiful.” Y/N mutters as she steps closer to run her hand along its neck. “What’s his name?”

“Monaghan Boy.” Tommy tells her as he watches her interact with the horse. A small but genuine smile on her face, which he hasn’t seen all that much lately. The sight stirs something inside of him, something that he thought he left in the mud in France, and he wishes she would always smile like that. “He’s racing soon. Feel free to place a bet.” He smirks as the last sentence leaves his lips.

“You know I don’t bet.” She shakes her head at his remark, but the smile is still there. She knows he’s joking and when she sees the mischievous glint in his eyes it almost feels like it did all those years ago. But she knows better than that. They’re not the same people as they were back then, and there are a lot of things they don’t know about each other anymore. The only thing they share nowadays is fleeting moments like this. These thoughts cause her smile to disappear, which in turn causes Tommy’s face to fall back into its usual stoic expression. “I should get to work.” Y/N tells him, and he tips his cap before they both go their separate ways again.

Tommy sighs as he rides away. He knows that the distance between them is his fault and there are times he regrets creating it, but she deserves better. Besides, she didn’t seem to mind that he didn’t lift her up and spun her around like the other soldiers that were reunited with their sweethearts at the end of the war. Her eyes had been hollow when he saw her again, and he knew that his looked the same. He believes she deserves someone who can put back the light in her eyes and he doesn’t believe he can be that person. After all there is no light in him anymore and the last thing he wants is to make her life even darker.

Y/N shakes her head to rid her of the memories playing in her mind. Memories of happier times, memories of Tommy. A smiling Tommy, who chased her through the fields, and who made her laugh until she cried. When she saw him again after the war, he was different. She knew it the second she looked into his eyes. Not that it mattered, she wasn't the same either. She doesn’t believe she’ll ever laugh until she cries, or run around the fields again.

When she gets to The Garrison, she spots Freddy and some of his communist buddy’s. Freddy sees her come in and stands up to greet her. “Y/N, how have you been?” He asks as he follows her to the bar, where she puts her stuff down.

“The same, Freddy.” She tells him with a forced little smile. “What about you?” She asks in return as she takes off her coat. “Anything new?”

“I’m alright.” Freddy shrugs. “There’s some trouble on the way though, so you might want to tone down the meetings with the Blinders for now.” He informs her, which earns him a questioning look, so he starts talking again but more hushed this time. “There’s a copper coming from Belfast and he has a list with names. Mine, but those of the Shelby’s as well.”

Y/N frowns as she tries to think of a reason for the name of a communist and those of a few bookmakers to appear on the same list. “That’s an interesting combination.” She says, which earns her a chuckle from Freddy. “Any idea why?”

Freddy shrugs and Y/N excuses herself to put her stuff away and get to work. She's pretty sure Freddy knows more then he's telling her, but she's not all that interested. In general she stays away from anything that can get her into trouble and this is no different.

* * *

 

Y/N is just coming out of the office to catch a break when Tommy comes in. He nods at her as he sees her leaning against the bar as she talks to Harry for a moment. As soon as he notices Tommy, Harry excuses himself from the conversation to pour Tommy a drink. Y/N watches as Tommy puts down the money for his drink even though Harry told him it’s on the house. After a moment Freddy appears at the bar and orders a mild. He takes one of the coins Tommy put down to pay for his own drink. “Cheers Thomas, good health to you.” Freddy says as he raises his glass, while Harry looks on in slight disbelief of the situation and Tommy simply continues to smoke.

Y/N sighs softly as she watches the two. It’s hard to believe they were friends once upon a time. But she could say the same about herself and Tommy. It’s like their entire group of friends fell apart. All because of that bloody war.

Meanwhile Freddy has picked up Tommy’s cap and looks at the razors sown into it. “The crown of a prince. Soon to be king I bet.” He says.

“You don’t bet.” Is Tommy’s quick reply and his eyes flicker to Y/N for a moment as he recalls their conversation earlier that day. Freddy then goes on about the BSA factory and messages from Churchill. Y/N can’t hear the rest of their conversation, but she assumes it’s about the list Freddy mentioned to her.

She’s just about to go back to the office when Danny comes barging in. The poor man is having another one of his episodes, his head is still in France. He’s screaming as he flips over tables and while the men have enough time to get out of the way, Y/N is knocked to the ground in the commotion. She winces as she cuts herself on the shards of glass on the floor and barely registers that Tommy and Freddy manage to grab Danny and hold him still.

Her eyes stay focussed on her hands as she tries to assess the damage, but her mind has other plans. Memories are brought back as she looks at the blood on her hands. Her breathing gets heavier and she squeezes her eyes shut in an attempt to block the images. She needs to focus on something else, anything else.

Tommy is still pretty close, but his voice sounds far away as he tries to clam Danny down. Y/N balls her hands up to fists and feels the shards dig deeper into her skin, the pain giving her something else to focus on, and soon she can hear Tommy properly as he tells Danny that he’s not in France anymore. Unintentionally Tommy’s words help Y/N as well. She’s home, she’s not in France, it’s just in her mind.

By the time Danny leaves the pub, Y/N has almost completely regained her composure and tries to get the largest pieces of glass out of her hands and underarms. She vaguely hears Harry say that Tommy needs to do something about it, which is backed up by Freddy who goes on about Tommy being the law and having to put a bullet in Danny’s head and maybe even in Freddy’s at some point. Tommy, however, ignores them both and crouches down next to Y/N. “You alright?” He asks her.

She doesn’t respond as her slightly shaky hands still try to remove as much of the glass as possible. As long as she stays focused on the task at hand the memories will stay at bay. She’s so focused that she doesn’t notice Tommy’s hand moving to help her and she flinches as he touches her. Tommy freezes for a moment as he takes in the frightened look on her face before he pulls his hand away and stands back up.

Y/N watches as he grabs his cap of the bar and walks to the door without looking back, calling over his shoulder that Harry should send the bill to the Peaky Blinders. Her shoulders fall, and she feels her eyes get watery. Part of her wants to call out for him, tell him that she didn’t realize it was him, that she never would have flinched if she knew it was him, and that she wishes he would help her. But she doesn’t say anything, he has a hard enough life as it is and he shouldn’t have to deal with her problems on top of that. So she clears her throat and stands up. And she manages to keep the tears at bay until she’s in the office again.

Tommy’s breathing is heavy as he walks away from the pub. The look on Y/N’s face the only thing he can think of as he marches through the streets. It pains him to see her react to him like that and the thought that she might be scared of him circles through his brain.

* * *

 

At the office Y/N managed to get all the glass out of her left hand and has bandaged up the larger cuts. Her right hand is proving to be more difficult. Her left hand isn’t skilled enough to pull all the shards out of her skin, so she will have to find someone to help her. If only she hadn’t flinched away from Tommy, he would’ve helped her.

For the time being she pours some alcohol on the cuts on her right hand and loosely wraps a cloth around it to make sure no dirt gets into the wounds. She finishes up her work for the day as best as she can and then heads out to see if she can find Ada or Polly.

“Ada!” She calls out when she sees the slightly younger woman skip down the street. Y/N notices how dressed up she is and immediately knows where her friend is going.

“Y/N, hey.” Ada answers as she stops walking and waits for Y/N to catch up. “Everything alright?” She asks but Y/N can tell that she’s dying to get away.

“Well I wanted to ask for your help, but you seem to be busy, so I’ll ask Polly.” Y/N tells her with a smile as she hides her bandaged hands knowing that when Ada sees them she will cancel her plans straight away. “It’s not that important, don’t worry.” Y/N says when she sees that Ada is about to ask what’s wrong. “Give Freddy my best.” She adds with a smile before she walks away.

* * *

 

Polly is reading the paper when she hears a knock on the door. She frowns as she tries to think of who could be coming around. Her confusion only grows as she opens the door to find Y/N. Before the war the young woman would spend most of her time at the Shelby’s. Curled up on the sofa with Tommy, chatting with Ada and helping Polly out. But she doesn’t come around anymore. She only ever catches up with Polly if they happen to run into each other on the street or in The Garrison, so there must be something wrong for her to come here. “What’s wrong?” Is therefore the first thing Polly says.

“I was hoping you could give me a hand.” Y/N grimaces as she holds out her right hand to show Polly what’s wrong.

Polly curses under her breath before she ushers Y/N inside. “Have a seat. I’ll boil some water.” She instructs as she walks toward the kettle. “What happened?” She asks once the kettle is on and she sits down as she watches Y/N pull the bandages off her right hand.

“Danny had one of his episodes and barged into The Garrison. He flipped over some table and the glasses broke.” Y/N sighs as her skin is revealed. “He pushed me over and I landed in the glass. I managed to clean up my left hand, but the right is a bit more difficult.”

Polly turns Y/N’s hand over to examine the damage just as Tommy steps into the room. The two women haven’t noticed him yet, and for a second he thinks about turning back around and walking away. But he wants to know if Y/N is alright even though he's unsure if she wants him around, so he walks to the kettle that has just started to whistle. “I’ve got it.” He tells Polly, who was just about to get up.

Y/N watches as Tommy pours the water into a bowl and grabs a cloth. Meanwhile Polly is trying to get out the last pieces of glass. “Sorry love.” Polly mutters as Y/N winces slightly. “I can’t get it out.”

“Just cut it out with a knife.” Y/N shrugs. “I would’ve done it myself if my left hand was steady enough to do so.” She adds as she pulls her hand away from Polly to take a look herself.

Polly exchanges a look with Tommy before they both focus on Y/N again. “I don’t want to make it worse.” Polly says. “Maybe you should see a doctor.” She suggests.

“No.” Y/N says resolutely. “No doctor.” She shakes her head as she balls her hands up to fists. A doctor is not an option for her. If Polly won’t do it, she’ll do it herself, but she will not go to a doctor.

Polly and Tommy notice her distress and Polly sends a pleading look Tommy’s way, urging him to do something. Tommy knows that Polly wants him to encourage Y/N to see a doctor, but he can’t. Not as he sees how much the prospect of a doctor scares her. “I’ll do it.” He eventually says, which earns him a glare from his aunt.

When she hears Tommy’s words, Y/N instantly calms down. “Thank you.” She breaths out and the relief on her face is reason enough for Tommy to ignore Polly’s glare. He gets a sharp knife and heats the blame to kill any bacteria.

Polly shakes her head as she stands up so Tommy can sit down. He hesitantly takes hold of her hand, afraid she might flinch again when he touches her, but to his relief she doesn’t. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t realize it was you.” Y/N says softly, almost like she knew he was thinking about it.

“It’s fine.” Tommy says as he takes a close look at her hand. He plays it off like it's no big deal, but her words are a relief; at least she's not scared of him. “Ready?” He asks her as he brings the knife closer. His eyes flicker to hers as he looks for confirmation and she nods in response.


	3. A bad feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N has a bad feeling about the new barmaid.

Polly leans against the counter and watches as Tommy works on getting the glass out of Y/N’s hand. The younger woman doesn’t make a sound, but Polly can see in her face that it hurts. The lack of sound coming from Y/N once more confirms how much she has changed. Tommy remembers her whimpers as he would clean her knees and hands when she had scraped them whilst sneaking out of her house to meet him by the canal. Now the only sound he hears is her breathing, which has gotten a bit heavier but shows no real indication of pain.

Despite the lack of sound coming from Y/N, Tommy is very much aware that he’s hurting her and he lets out a relieved sigh when he catches hold of the culprit. “I’ve got it.” He mutters as he carefully takes it out and throws in onto the table.

Y/N lets out a sigh and reaches for the cloth in the bowl of water to clean the blood of her, but Tommy takes it before she can reach it. He cleans her up as carefully as he can and bandages her up afterwards. Y/N keeps a close eye on his face. With his focus on her hand she can stare at him without getting caught. He’s still unbelievably handsome, that definitely hasn’t changed, and her fingers itch to reach out and touch his face, but it’s not her place, not anymore.

“Thank you.” She says softly once Tommy has finished. He nods in return and keeps hold of her hand for a moment longer before he clears his throat and pulls away from her. Being so close to her, but so far away at the same time is torture and he hopes that the physical distance will make it easier. He knows it’s idle hope as he already feels the familiar pull that appears whenever he’s in the same room as Y/N. “I should get home.” She mutters as she stands up.

“I’ll walk with you.” The words leave Tommy’s mouth before his brain has thought the matter through. He tells himself it’s simply because he doesn’t like her walking the streets alone at night, which is true, but it’s mostly a way to spend a little more time with her. “It’s late.” He adds, hoping it will convince her.

Y/N looks at him for a moment before nodding. A few more moments with him won’t hurt, right? So she puts her coat back on and wishes Polly goodnight as she walks to the door where Tommy is already waiting for her.

Polly sighs as she watches the two. The air in the room felt heavy as Tommy cleaned her up and Polly had noticed the reluctance of both of them when they had to pull away from each other. She doesn’t understand why they do this to themselves. Why do they cause themselves so much pain when it’s clear that they both want to be together? It needs to stop, and Polly will do what she can to make them see that. Maybe bringing Y/N more into Tommy’s life again will stop him from making stupid decisions as well.

Tommy shoves his hands in the pockets of his coat as he walks next to Y/N. He’s afraid he might reach for her hand if he doesn’t. He’s sure she wouldn’t want him to, so he balls his hands into fists in his pockets as he reminds himself that she deserves better.

“I’ll stop by Danny’s to see if there’s anything I can do once my hands are better.” She speaks up as she wraps her arms around herself. It’s a cold night and she wishes she could link her arm through Tommy’s and find warmth against his side like she used to. “Can you make sure this doesn’t get out? I don’t want Danny feeling any worse than he already does.”

Tommy nods. “I will.” He assures her before they both go silent again. They don’t speak for the rest of the short walk as they both sink into their thoughts. Tommy eyes fall on the place where she’s currently staying. He has never been inside, she only moved there after the war. It’s a strange feeling, not knowing what her house looks like. But it’s just one of the many things in her life that he doesn’t know anymore.

They bid each other goodnight and Tommy waits for Y/N to get inside and close the door before he turns around and walks back. Y/N leans against the door once it’s shut behind her. She looks down at her hands and can almost feel his touch again as he placed the bandage over her skin.

* * *

 

It’s a few days later when Y/N is sitting at the bar with some paperwork. There are no customers, and Harry is cleaning up. They chat about what some of the regulars got up to the other night and Y/N informs him on how the business is doing. Harry is a kind man, Y/N doesn’t mind working for him and he needs someone to take care of the paperwork, so they make a good team.

Their conversation comes to a stop as a blonde woman steps into the pub. Her clothes are far too nice for the dirty streets of Birmingham and definitely too nice to be in a pub in the middle of the day. “I’m here about the job as a barmaid.” The woman says, and Y/N and Harry exchange a look before Harry tries to get the woman to leave.

“You’re too nice.” He says, but the blonde is quick to fire a question back at him. “And too pretty. They’d have you up against a wall. Why do you think we keep Y/N there away from the customers? You’re both far too pretty.” Harry shakes his head.

The woman doesn’t give up and shows Harry her references. Y/N listens as Harry and the woman talk. Something feels off. She thinks this woman is far too eager to work in a dirty pub and she just has an overall bad feeling about it, but she doesn’t know why. 

Harry looks almost mesmerized when the woman starts to sing as she cleans up, and Y/N shakes her head at the male brain when Harry gives in. There’s something not right about this woman and Y/N won’t be charmed by a few songs, but as long as she doesn’t have an actual reason to think ill of the blonde she won’t say a bad thing about her.

“I’m Y/N.” She speaks up as she holds out her hand to the woman. “I keep the books in order.” She adds.

“Grace, nice to meet you.” The woman, Grace apparently, shakes Y/N’s hand with a smile. She seems nice enough and there’s no reason to mistrust her, but Y/N can’t shake the feeling that something is not right.

* * *

 

A day after Y/N hurt her hands, she had run into Polly in the street, who insisted on Y/N coming around every day so Polly could take a look at her hands. Y/N hadn’t been able to talk her way out of it and if she was completely honest it was nice to have someone take care of her for a change. So now she’s sitting at the table at Watery Lane 6 for the third day in a row while Polly looks over her hands. Most of the cuts don’t need bandages anymore and now just look like scrapes. The only wound that needs to be looked after is the one where Tommy cut out the glass.

Tommy is leaning against the doorframe as he watches his aunt wrap a new bandage around Y/N’s hand. He has been there every day she stopped by, abandoning his obligations at the betting shop to make sure Y/N is alright. She’s glad Tommy has been there for the past few days. Of course she trusts that Polly knows what she’s doing but even after all these years there is something comforting about his presence.

Polly finishes wrapping her hand and Tommy is about to leave when Arthur comes stumbling in. He’s been beaten up badly and barely makes it to a chair. “What happened to you?” Tommy asks as he pushes himself off the doorframe to take a closer look at his brother. Y/N has meanwhile risen from her seat and is examining Arthur’s wounds to see how bad the damage is.

“That new copper got me.” Arthur hisses as Y/N takes a hold of his hand to look at his finger. “That fucking hurts Y/N.” He says through clenched teeth as he looks down at her, but she keeps her eyes on his finger.

“It’s broken.” She says as rises from her crouched down position. “I need something to keep it straight, clean bandages and some alcohol to clean the wounds.” She rattles off as she walks over to the kettle to boil some water.

“I’ll be right back.” Tommy says before he walks out the door to get a bottle of alcohol from The Garrison. Part of him is impressed by how quickly Y/N switched into her part as a nurse. But another part is sad because she wouldn’t have been like this if the war hadn’t happened. He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind as he makes his way to the pub; Arthur is the priority now.

Back at the house Y/N is taking care of Arthur’s finger while John and Ada argue about Ada’s capabilities as a nurse. “Would you all shut up and let the real nurse do her job.” Polly says as she gestures to Y/N, who is focused on setting Arthur’s finger straight. 

It doesn’t take long for Tommy to return and he uses the alcohol he bought to clean the wounds on Arthur’s face. Arthur starts talking about what happened. He says the copper wants their help, that he was sent by Churchill and it’s a matter of national interest. None of the Shelby’s seem to have a problem with discussing this in front of Y/N, and she’s glad they still trust her.

Tommy responds strangely to the whole situation and Y/N looks up at him when Arthur asks what’s wrong with him. He’s hiding something, he might be able to hide most of his emotions from others, but Y/N can still read his eyes like a book.

Y/N leaves after cleaning up Arthur as best as she can, and Tommy takes it as an opportunity to get away as well. “I met the new barmaid.” He says as he walks out with Y/N.

She nods as she buttons up her coat. “Harry hired her a few days ago. Initially he didn’t want to, but she was pretty persistent and had good references.” She says as she recalls what happened the other day.

But just as easily as Y/N can read Tommy, he can read her. He knows there’s something she’s not telling him. “Anything else I should know?” He asks as he keeps a close eye on her face.

“Her name’s Grace.” Y/N shrugs and tries to act casual, but she knows she can’t hide from Tommy. So when he raises his eyebrows in question, she sighs. “It’s stupid and I'm probably wrong. Don’t worry about it.” She shakes her head and is about to walk away, but Tommy places his hand on her arm to stop her.

“Tell me.” He insists. If it’s really as stupid as she is trying to make it out to be, she wouldn’t be thinking about it this much. He needs to know what’s on her mind.

“I just have a bad feeling about her.” Y/N admits as she turns back around to face him. Her eyes find his and he subconsciously rubs his thumb over her arm. “There’s something off about her.” She adds as she relaxes slightly into his familiar touch.

Tommy nods as he takes in her words. Y/N is good at reading people and he has always trusted her judgement. “I’ll look into it.” He promises.


	4. If you knew...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace asks questions that make Y/N even more suspicious and Polly tries to convince Tommy to reach out to Y/N.

Y/N is working in the office when Grace comes in. “Good morning.” She says to the barmaid, who leaves the door open and walks towards the crates that Harry keeps in the back of the office.

“Good morning.” Grace answers as she picks up a few bottles. She is heading in the direction of the pub again, but hesitates in the doorway for a moment before turning to face Y/N. “Could you tell me what the deal is with the Shelby’s?” She asks, and Y/N raises her eyebrows as she turns her head towards Grace. “Harry warned me about them and yesterday Thomas Shelby asked me if I was a whore.”

Y/N falters for a moment after hearing that. Tommy wouldn’t say something like that without a reason. “There’s just not a lot of women like you around here.” Y/N answers as she studies Grace’s face. “Look, as long as you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you.”

Grace nods at Y/N’s words and just as Y/N thinks she can get back to work, Grace speaks up again. “Why do you always hide away from everyone?” She asks, and Y/N tenses up. Grace quickly realizes that she crossed a line there; she’s supposed to be making friends with Y/N to find out if she knows anything, not upsetting her. “It’s just that the men at the bar say you’re one of the prettiest girls in Small Heath and that it’s a shame they don’t get to see more of you.” She tries to justify her question. She’s telling the truth though, every man in Small Heath seems to find Y/N attractive, but none of them ever approach her and Y/N steers clear of all of them. Grace wonders why that is.

“I prefer being on my own.” Y/N says slowly, before she decides to change the subject. “If you just do your job and go about your own life, I’m sure no one will consider you a whore anymore. Least of all Tommy.” She adds the last part in a softer tone; the idea of Tommy insulting random women like that seems absurd. He must have had a reason.

“Sounds like you know him pretty well.” Grace says as she keeps a close eye on Y/N’s face. The look on Y/N’s face and the fact that she called him Tommy instead of Thomas or Mr. Shelby, show Grace that Y/N knows more. And if Y/N has information on the Shelby’s Grace will make sure she gets it out of her.

“Not that well.” Y/N says, the questions about Tommy don’t sit right with her. Why does Grace want to know all of this? Should she warn Tommy about it? No, now she’s being paranoid. Grace probably just thinks Tommy is handsome and wants to know if she has a chance. “I should get back to work.”

Grace nods, understanding that the conversation is over. She takes the bottles into the bar and closes the door behind her. It’s clear that Y/N knows more about the Shelby’s, so Grace makes a mental note to get closer to her.

* * *

 

When Polly sees Tommy alone in the kitchen, she decides that now is her chance to talk to him about Y/N. So she closes the door behind her and leans in the back of the chair across from her nephew. “We need to talk.” She speaks up, which causes Tommy to slowly lift his eyes from the paper he was reading.

“I told you I’d do the right thing with the guns, Poll.” Tommy sighs as his eyes move back to the newspaper, thinking the conversation is over.

“Not about that.” Polly rolls her eyes as she pulls out the chair and takes a seat. “About Y/N.” This gets Tommy’s attention as he puts down the paper and Polly’s expression softens as she notices the concern in his eyes.

“Why? Is something wrong?” He asks, his mind immediately picturing problems and his heart beating faster at the thought of her being hurt in some way.

“No, no.” Polly shook her head and slowly watched Tommy’s tense frame relax again. “We need to talk about you and Y/N.” She explains.

Tommy sighs and closes his eyes as he tries to calm himself down again. “There’s nothing to talk about.” He tells Polly as he gets out a cigarette. “I’m no longer the man she fell in love with.” He adds as he runs the cigarette along his bottom lip before lighting it.

Polly shakes her head as she watches him. “She still loves you, Thomas.” She tells, him and she swears she sees something flicker in his eyes when she does, but it’s gone as soon as it appeared. “And you still love her. You’re both torturing yourself by staying away from each other.” She huffs in annoyance when Tommy folds up the paper and stands up from his chair as if he can end the conversation like that. “I think I’ll start inviting her over again, it’s not good for her to pull away from everyone like that. I let her be after the war, because I thought she needed time to process everything and then she would come back. But it looks like she’ll need some help with that.” Polly informs him. She hadn’t reached out to Y/N before because she thought the younger woman needed time, but it has become clear that Y/N thinks the situation is as final as Tommy does. “And who knows, seeing her more often might make you realize what a fool you are for letting her slip away.”

“Leave her be, Polly.” Tommy says sharply. He doesn’t want Polly making Y/N’s life more difficult. “She has enough to deal with on her own without adding our shit to her life.” He adds in a softer tone, but Polly hears him loud and clear.

“She needs someone to help her with her problems.” Polly’s voice is firm as she tries to make eye-contact with Tommy, who is desperately avoiding it. “And so do you. You’re not fine, Thomas, and she can help you!” She says as she stands up as well. “You two can help each other.”

Tommy’s shoulders drop, and Polly watches him stand there for a moment, shoulders slumped and cigarette hanging from his lips. He just opens his mouth to speak when John barges in. “We’re heading to The Garrison, Tom, you coming?”

“Yeah.” Tommy immediately responds, desperate to get away from Polly and the conversation about Y/N. He knows Polly is right; he’s not fine, he needs help, and he does still love Y/N. But it’s because he loves her that he doesn’t want her back in his life like that.

* * *

 

Tommy frowns as he hears singing coming from The Garrison. There hasn’t been any singing since the war and it has turned into an unspoken rule, so he wonders who has the nerve to start it. As he steps inside with the boys the men in the pub fall silent and the only voice that remains is that of the new barmaid. He keeps his face expressionless as he stares at her, but she finishes her song anyway.

After dismissing Harry’s comment about the singing his eyes follow Grace as she gets back to serving the customers at the bar. He notices Y/N standing with her back against the office door as she stares at the spot where Grace was standing while she sang. There’s a stoic expression on her face, but he sees her eyes shine with unshed tears.

Y/N has been standing there listening to Grace and trying to keep her tears at bay for a while now. Her mind taking a trip down memory lane and as she closes her eyes she sees herself sitting by Tommy’s side as they laugh at a story her brother tells them while Arthur and some girl make out in the corner. But when her eyes open she’s standing alone in a place that holds far too many memories.

Tommy’s mind drifts back to before the war as well. Back then Y/N would sing all the time. Both in public at The Garrison, and in private for him or for little Finn. Her voice singing familiar tunes had drifted through his mind while he was in the tunnels in France. The memory of her kept him sane until at one point even Y/N’s sweet voice was overshadowed by the sound of shovels and bombs.

Lost in his thoughts Tommy has made his way to Y/N and he comes to a stop in front of her. Her eyes meet his and he automatically lifts a hand as a tear escapes her eye. Watching her cry brings a wave of sadness over him and he wants nothing more than to comfort her.

Y/N closes her eyes as his fingers brush over her skin, the familiar feeling of his skin on her own letting her sink even further into the memories that were brought up by Grace’s singing. Memories of falling asleep next to Tommy and quietly singing to him as his fingers slowly trailed up and down her back. Memories of singing Finn to sleep when he woke up at night asking for his brothers when they first left for France.

Tommy holds his breath as he feels her lean into his touch and gently cups her cheek as he steps closer making the distance between them disappear almost completely. He is, however, aware that everyone in the pub has their eyes on him and Y/N. “Come on.” He whispers so only Y/N can hear and wraps one arm around her waist while he opens the door to the office with his other hand.

Y/N opens her eyes at his words and is immediately aware of everyone’s attention on them. She figures it’s best if she ignores them and keeps her eyes on Tommy as he gently guides her into the office.

“You should go back out there, don’t let me ruin your night.” She mutters once the door is closed behind them and they’re away from any prying eyes. She tries desperately to stop herself from crying, but it’s not exactly working.

Her words have no effect as Tommy’s arm stays in place around her waist. His free hand comes up to her face and wipes away any stray tears. “You’re not alone, Y/N.” He says softly as his hand comes to rest against her cheek. He realizes that he’s doing what Polly wants him to do; help Y/N. And to be honest that’s not the part of Polly’s plan that he disagrees with. The part he disagrees with is letting Y/N help him. She doesn’t need that darkness in her life.

His words bring up fresh tears, but Y/N squeezes her eyes shut to hold them back. “I should be.” She says, but she can’t find the strength to pull away from him. She’s sure that if Tommy finds out what happened, if he finds out how damaged she really is, he’ll never go near her again. “If you knew, you wouldn’t say that.” She continues as she shakes her head. “I deserve to be alone.”

Tommy didn’t think his heart could break any more than it already had, but her words do the trick. “Knew what?” He asks as he gently tilts her head up, so she’ll look at him. All it does is bring new tears to the surface that spill out over her cheeks, so he moves his hand to the back of her head and carefully pulls her into his chest. He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes to try and keep his own tears from falling.

Y/N closes her eyes as she allows herself to lean against Tommy for a moment, to pretend that she’s not alone, but she knows she’s fooling herself and that it will only hurt more when she’s alone again. Distant memories of him are bad enough, but if she gets home with the smell of him lingering on her she’s not sure how she’ll cope, so when she manages to stop crying she reluctantly pulls away from Tommy.

Tommy hesitantly lets go of her, taking in a deep breath to inhale her scent before he has to release her. He knows she wants to get away without talking about any of this, but he can’t just let it go. “If I knew what, Y/N?” He asks as he studies her face.

“How damaged I really am.” She says quietly, the truth spilling from her lips like it always does when it comes to him. “If you knew you’d never go near me again.” She adds as she furiously wipes away the fresh tears that fall down.


	5. No reason to sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N joins a family dinner at the Shelby residence and Tommy finds out that Grace lied.

Tommy stares at the wall opposite him while the family is gathered for dinner. He hasn’t really touched his food as his mind is busy figuring out what could have possibly happened for Y/N to talk about herself like she did yesterday. After saying that he would never go near her again if he knew, she had made a quick exit and left Tommy to stare at the door with a solemn look on his face.

“Tommy!” Polly exclaims. She has asked him why he’s not eating at least three times now and she’s had enough. When she sees that he seems to snap out of whatever he was thinking about she continues talking. “What is going on with you?”

Tommy shakes his head, but John decides to speak up. “He’s probably still thinking about that moment with Y/N at The Garrison.” He says with his mouth filled with food. He had noticed his brother making his way over to Y/N and he could tell that something had happened when Tommy joined him later.

“What moment?” Polly asks as her eyes flit across Tommy’s face to look for any clue as to what happened, but Tommy doesn’t say anything. “What is he talking about, Thomas?” Polly presses.

“That new barmaid was singing, and Y/N was having a tough time, so Tommy went over.” John speaks up once again as Tommy doesn’t seem to have any intention to. Arthur watches the conversation with a frown on his face. He doesn’t understand Tommy these days, not when it comes to the business and not when it comes to Y/N. Finn seems oblivious to the tension and continues to eat, whilst Ada shakes her head at her brother’s inability to communicate properly.

“That woman shouldn’t have been singing.” Tommy voice is sharp as he pulls out a cigarette. He blames Grace for upsetting Y/N like that, though he knows it’s more than that. But as long as Y/N won’t tell him the deeper reason, he will focus his anger on the direct catalyst; Grace and her singing.

Polly watches as he lights the cigarette and take a few aggressive puffs before settling down slightly. She sees the anger he feels, but she also knows that it’s not just anger; he feels helpless and the only way he can let that out is through anger. She’s about to speak up again when there’s a knock on the door.

Rising from her seat Polly makes her way to the door and Tommy straightens up in his chair when he sees his aunt come back in with Y/N. “Oh I didn’t realize you were having dinner, I’m sorry.” Y/N says as she stops walking while Polly finds her way back to her seat.

“Don’t be.” Arthur tells her as he stands up to get another seat. “Sit down, have some food. You’re getting far too thin.” He says as he bustles around the room to get her a plate and some cutlery. He doesn't know what exactly caused Tommy and Y/N to fall apart, but he thinks his brother is an idiot for ever letting her go.

“It’s fine Arthur, I’ll eat later.” She tries to persuade him, but he just keeps going. She didn’t plan on staying long. She just wanted to tell one of the brothers what happened and go home, but it doesn’t look like that’s an option anymore as a place is prepared for her at the table and the others urge her to join as well.

Tommy is the only one that doesn’t speak up, but his eyes follow every movement she makes. “What’s that?” He asks as she takes off her coat and he notices a new bandage on her arm. He’s sure that it’s not from the shards of glass, because those are almost completely healed and he has practically memorized where each of those cuts where on her hands and arms. No this is a new wound and it only makes him angrier; why doesn’t anyone let her live in peace?

“It’s just a cut, it was an accident.” Y/N assures him. She can see the emotions swimming in his eyes, but there’s no need for him to get angry. “Danny had one of his episodes again and he had a knife.” She tells them as she nods at Arthur in thanks as he puts some food on her plate. “His other victim looks a bit worse though.” She sighs as she shakes her head.

“Other victim?” Ada’s eyes widen as she asks the question. She has never seen Danny when he’s like that, but she has heard enough stories to know that no one is safe around him when it happens.

“He, uh.” Y/N glances at Finn, unsure if she should continue or not. There’s no need for the boy to hear this.

“Finn go play in your room.” John tells him, and the young boy puts up a fight and complains, but eventually leaves the room. As soon as he’s gone the eyes of the remaining Shelby’s urge her to continue.

“He killed an Italian before I could get to him.” She says as she closes her eyes to force the image from her mind. “They saw him do it, so they’ll come for him.” She opens her eyes again and they meet Tommy’s. “I just thought I should let you know.”

Tommy maintains eye-contact as he nods. “I’ll deal with it.” He tells her. The look on her face makes him want to change the subject as soon as possible, and after a moment of silence he speaks up again. “Harry gave me Grace’s references and I’ve got men looking into it.” He lets her know.

Y/N nods as she recalls their brief conversation about Grace. “It’s just a feeling, there’s probably nothing wrong with her.” She tries to brush it off.

Polly raises her eyebrows as she looks at Y/N. “It’s not just a feeling, Y/N, it’s your gift.” She tells the younger woman. “You should have a bit more faith in your gypsy side, it has always been right in the past.” She adds. Y/N’s mother was half Romani, so Polly believes it’s in Y/N’s blood. Whenever Y/N has a bad feeling about someone when she meets them for the first time, she turns out to be right. A new teacher at school, who they later found out beat his wife. A new baker in town, who turned out to be blackmailing some of his costumers. Her feeling, or intuition as Polly calls it, has always been right.

“Well, we will find out soon enough.” Tommy says as takes a drag from his cigarette before putting it out if the ashtray in the middle of the table and finally taking a bite from his food.

“John tells me the new barmaid was singing yesterday.” Polly casually remarks; if Tommy won’t give her an answer then she’ll try to get it out of Y/N. Though that is proving to be more difficult than it used to be. Before the war Y/N told Polly everything, but that’s not the case anymore.

Y/N tenses up and her eyes flicker to Tommy for a moment but then fall back to her plate. “She was.” She says and quickly takes another bite in the hope that Polly will let it rest, but she should have known better.

“He says you were having a tough time listening to it, dear.” Polly’s face softens as she sees how uncomfortable Y/N seems. “Why don’t you sing anymore?” She asks softly as she reaches out to touch Y/N’s hand, but the younger woman pulls it out of her reach and rests it in her lap.

“I have no reason to sing anymore.” Y/N says softly, but everyone hears her because they’ve all fallen silent at this point. “It just brought back some memories, that’s all.” She says as she forces a smile on her face; she doesn’t want to get into this. What happened in the office with Tommy was bad enough, she doesn’t want to relive that.

Tommy clenches his jaw as he sees the pain in Y/N’s eyes. Why did Polly bring it up again? Why won’t she just leave this alone? None of this has anything to do with her, so she needs to stay out of it. “See, that’s all.” He says once he’s sure the words will come out calm. “No reason to turn it into something bigger.” He adds, and he nods at Y/N as she sends him a grateful look. What happened is something between him and her, and the rest of his family doesn’t need to know.

* * *

 

A deep sigh leaves Tommy as he closes the door to the house. It’s been a long day and he needs some air. First pretending to shoot Danny, then Arthur’s complaints about Monaghan Boy winning, only to end the day with lying to his aunt about doing the right thing with the guns. He knows she’ll never understand why he did it, but it’s too good an opportunity to pass up on.

He lights up a cigarette and walks in the direction of The Garrison. The new barmaid is standing outside smoking. She heads inside just as Y/N leaves for the day, and he watches as the two exchange goodbyes at the door before Y/N starts walking while rummaging through her purse. “Here.” He says as he offers her his cigarette, which causes her to look up and notice him. “I assume that’s what you were looking for.” He adds as he gestures at her purse.

“It was.” Y/N says as she takes it from him. She hadn’t noticed him, because she was busy looking in her purse and now she’s not sure what else to say to him. They haven’t really spoken since the dinner. “You going for a drink?” She decides to ask as she nods towards The Garrison before taking a drag.

Tommy shakes his head as he watches her lips wrap around the cigarette exactly where his were a moment before; it’s probably as close as he’ll ever come to kissing her again. “I was just going for a walk.” He tells her.

Y/N nods and lets her eyes go over his face. She frowns when she notices the tiny specks of what looks to be blood on his collar. Before she can stop herself, her hand raises and her fingers brush the edge of his collar. “What happened?”

A frown appears on Tommy’s face as he wonders what she’s talking about, but then he remembers the remnants of sheep brain he had to wipe of his face after shooting Danny. Some of it must have ended up on his collar. “It’s just some splatter of sheep brain that I shot at Danny to make the Italians believe he’s dead.” He says and watches as her hand moves away from him again and she takes another drag of the cigarette before throwing it to the ground. “They wanted him dead for what he did, so I made them believe he is. Charlie is taking him out of town.”

She nods in understanding, relief washes over her now that she knows Danny will be okay, and she watches Tommy pulls out a cigarette for himself. “Does your walk happen to be going that way?” She asks him softly as she gestures in the direction she’ll take to get home. As scared as she is that he will bring up what happened in The Garrison the other night, it doesn’t change the fact that she still wants to be close to him.

“It is now.” Tommy says, and they look at each other for a moment before they start walking. He’s glad she asked, glad that she’s not pushing him away now like she did in the office of The Garrison the other day. “I heard back from the men that went to check the barmaid’s references.” He says as he blows out some smoke. His free hand stuffed in his pocket as he walks next to Y/N, once again wishing he could reach out and take her hand. “She never worked in Dublin, no one there has heard of her.” He lets her know. “You’re feeling was right.”

Y/N frowns. “Not necessarily.” She says as she pulls her coat tighter around her. “Maybe she just wanted to get away from her old life; it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something bad about her.” She explains after Tommy gives her a questioning look.

“If she wanted to get away from something, it must have been bad.” Tommy says with a shake of his head; why does she still not trust her own intuition? “And if the bad follows her here, then that’s bad too.” He adds.

“Maybe it won’t.” Y/N shrugs as they come to a stop before her house. “Maybe she’s just another lost soul.” She mutters before she takes her keys out of her purse. “Goodnight, Tommy.”

“Goodnight.” He nods at her and once again waits until she has shut the door behind her, before he leaves. It’s a habit he developed when they were together. He feared that it wasn’t safe for her alone on the streets, so he stayed until he was sure she was safe inside. He even waited until he heard her key turn to lock the door from the inside. He once told Arthur, who laughed at him and said he was whipped. John had been more understanding. He was smitten with Martha at the time and understood why Tommy did it. He shakes his head at the memory of John telling Arthur to stop being jealous because he didn’t have a girl of his own, and picks up his pace.


	6. Chief inspector Campbell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Campbell makes his first big move, but you don't mess with the Blinders and get away with it. Especially not when you involve their women.

Y/N jumps as her front door is kicked open and two police officers barge in followed by an older man in a long coat and a suit. She recognizes one of the officers as Moss; he’s been in Small Heath for a long time. “Miss Y/L/N?” The older man asks, and she slowly nods. “Good.” The man nods before turning to the two officers. “Search the place, don’t leave a single thing untouched. I want him to know we were here.” He orders and the two men leave the kitchen to search the bedroom and small sitting room.

Campbell turns back to her once the officers leave the room and he steps closer to her. He has to admit he’s surprised at the woman standing in front of him. When Grace told him about a woman named Y/N Y/L/N that appeared to be involved with Thomas Shelby in some way, he had expected a cheap whore or one of the shameless women he had seen in the streets since he arrived. But in front of him is a lovely woman, who in his eyes looks just as wholesome as Grace herself, and he’s not sure how someone that looks like that would get involved with someone as dirty as Thomas Shelby.

“I am chief inspector Campbell.” He introduces himself as he stops in front of her. “And I’ve heard that you’re involved with the wrong kind of people, miss Y/L/N.” He says as he studies her. “Now I don’t believe that a fine young lady like yourself would willingly let herself in with a bunch of criminals, so I suggest you and I have a little chat about Thomas Shelby and then I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother you anymore.”

Y/N’s back is pressed against the counter as Campbell stands far too close for comfort. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, inspector.” She tells him as her fingers wrap around the edge of the counter as she tries to suppress the fear that she’s feeling. The situation is far too familiar and every muscle in her body is prepared to run if he gets any closer. “Mr. Shelby doesn’t bother me.” She tries to sound unaffected, but her voice comes out shaky.

He sees that she’s scared, but assumes it’s because she’s afraid of the Blinders, which means she must know something that’s worth it. “I understand that you may be scared of him, but I assure you that I will make sure he doesn’t touch you if you tell me what you know.” He straightens up. “I know you associate with them, miss Y/L/N.” He continues when she remains silent. “If you don’t come forward with anything now and I find out on my own that you have anything to do with them I cannot offer you any protection.”

She watches as he tries to appear as broad and tall as he can, and her brain finally catches up with the situation as the initial fear at someone barging into her house fades. Her fear slowly disappears as she realizes that she’s being cornered in her own home and not in one of the makeshift supply rooms in France. “I know the Shelby’s from when we were in school, inspector. I have nothing to do with their business.” She tells him as she straightens up herself. “We’re acquaintances, friends even, but I know nothing about their business.” Part of her wants to add; and if they find out you were in my house, they’ll make you pay. But considering that she’s alone in her house with three men that could easily hurt her, she decides against it.

Campbell frowns as he looks down at her. Grace had told him that this woman seemed to be on friendly terms with the Blinders, but he didn’t want to believe that someone that looked like her was willingly involved with those men. It seems Grace was right, however. “Listen very carefully, miss, I will take down your friends and you with them as soon as I get the chance.” He tells her as he steps even closer and places one of his hands on the counter to trap her against it. “It’s a shame you’re loyal to the wrong side, you’re far too lovely for their world.” He adds as his face inches even closer to hers.

Y/N turns her face away from him as her grip on the counter tightens, her knuckles turning white as she feels his breath on her skin. She feels his body press against hers and she desperately tries to keep her composure. “We didn’t find anything, sir.” Moss’ voice is a welcome sound to Y/N’s ears. “Sir?” Moss presses as he watches Campbell cornering Y/N against the counter with a clenched jaw. He doesn’t particularly like the inspector, and to now see him acting like this towards a woman doesn’t sit well with him at all. Not that he’s much better himself, he did just turn her underwear drawer upside down.

Campbell lets his eyes go over Y/N’s face one more time before he steps back and opens the cupboards above her head. “Well let’s search the kitchen then, shall we.” He pretends to search through them as he throws her stuff onto the floor. The few good plates and cups she owns shattering on the floor. “Well it looks like there’s nothing here.” Campbell says once he’s cleared the last cupboard. “Do tell Mr. Shelby that we stopped by.” He says as he looks at her one more time before leaving.

Y/N’s eyes flit to Moss, who looks somewhat ashamed as he takes in the shattered china. His eyes lift to meet hers and it looks like he’s about to say something, but he changes his mind and walks out the door followed by the other officer.

As she hears their footsteps go down the stairs, Y/N takes a deep breath and pushes herself away from the counter. She makes her way to the window and is shocked by what she sees outside. Police forcing their way into every home, dragging men outside and scattering people’s belongings across the street. She sighs as she realizes that this was just the first move, whatever Tommy’s involved in is something big and she’s sure this is just the start.

* * *

 

On the way back to Small Heath, Tommy is actually feeling rather good about the day; he got a new horse, made his move on the Lee’s, and got some fresh air. That feeling soon disappears as they drive into the city. The chaos they see ruins everything else as they try to wrap their minds around what happened while they were away.

The answer comes from Polly, who informs them that the police raided Small Heath while they were away and told everyone that Arthur agreed to it when he was arrested. She sends the boys out onto the street to help. John and Arthur decide to split up to cover more ground and each make their way to a different part of Small Heath. John covers a few streets and talks to a few people, before he reaches Y/N’s street and he spots her helping her neighbour trying to place something in front of a broken window. “I got it.” John says as he rushes in to fasten the fabric that the two women spread.

“Thank you.” Y/N smiles at him once the fabric is in place and her neighbour mutters a similar response before hurrying away from the Shelby. “It’s a real mess, John.” Y/N sighs as she looks around the street.

John nods as he shoves his hands in his pockets and he looks at his shoes, feeling somewhat ashamed that the cops were able to turn their neighbourhood upside down like that. His head suddenly snaps up as a thought pops into his mind. “Did they mess up your place?” He asks as he clenches his jaw; they better not have bothered Y/N, because they will pay if they have.

“They came in and pushed some things around.” Y/N shrugs. “It’s nothing too bad, no broken windows.” She tells him with a forced smile as she gestures to the window they just covered. Her mind briefly drifting back to how frightened she’d been when Campbell had cornered her.

“Fucking bastards.” John mutters as his face scrunches up in anger. “They’ve got no business trashing your place, you’ve done nothing.” He says as he looks at the woman that he’s come to love as a sister. Her and Tommy breaking things off didn’t stop John from caring for her. She’s part of their family and the fact that this new copper messed with her makes him unbelievably angry. He’s sure that his brothers will feel the same once he tells them. “Come on, I’ll help you fix things up.” John tells her once he has calmed himself down a little.

“You don’t have to, John.” Y/N shakes her head. “I’m sure there’s plenty more important things you should be doing right now.” She had assessed the damage in her apartment earlier but hadn’t cleaned anything up yet because her neighbours house looked far worse and she went out to help. If John sees what they did to the place he would only get angrier.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N.” He waves her protest away as he turns to her door. “First floor, right?” He asks, but before she can answer he’s already through the door and barging up the stairs.

She’s quick to follow him and sees him freeze in her doorway. “John.” She sighs as she gets to the top of the stairs, but before she can reach out for him, he starts walking again. Y/N remains in the kitchen as he walks into the living area and her bedroom. “John it’s fine.” She tries to tell him as she hears him curse from her bedroom.

“It’s not fucking fine, Y/N!” He exclaims as he reappears in the kitchen. “They turned the whole place upside down!” John is fuming. The fact that they came in here is bad enough, but the chaos they caused and the disrespect of going through a woman’s underwear; his sister’s underwear, is enough to make him lose every last bit of composure. “That bastard will pay for it, Y/N, I promise! Just wait until Tommy hears this.” He tells her. He knows his brother still cares about Y/N and that he will be just as angry if he finds out what happened here.

“There’s no need for that, John.” Y/N tries to calm him down. “Everything vital is still intact, and I can clean up the rest.” She gives a half-hearted attempt to seem unaffected by what happened, but John sees right through it.

“You’re staying with us until this is fixed up.” John tells her. “They ruined your lock, which was shit anyway seeing how easy they came in.” He adds as he gestures to her door. “Pack a bag, I’ll take it with me. You can go to work and then I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

* * *

 

Y/N leaves The Garrison just as Finn is taking the King’s picture of the wall. After a small protest she had given in to John, so she follows Finn onto Watery Lane. She’s faced with a large fire in the middle of the street and she stops in her tracks.

“There you are!” John exclaims as he walks onto the street as well. “I was wondering when you were getting off work.” He says as he slings an arm over her shoulder and leads her to the fire, where they come to a halt next to Tommy. John lets go of her to throw the picture he was carrying into the fire.

Y/N takes this as an opportunity to turn to Tommy, who reaches into his pocket to bring out a pack of cigarettes. “So I’m guessing this is your strike back.” She says as she takes one of the cigarettes he offers.

“Yeah.” Tommy answers as he leans a bit closer to light her cigarette for her. A frown appears on his face when he comes to the realization that she never comes past Watery Lane on her way home. “What are you doing here? This isn’t on your usual way home.” He asks.

John hears the question and answers Tommy before Y/N gets the chance. “That copper messed up her house, so she’s staying with us until it’s fixed.” He tells his brother. He hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to Tommy about it yet. “The whole place was turned upside down and her lock was ruined. It’s not safe for her to stay there.”

Tommy nods slowly as he takes in his brother’s words. “Was it the inspector himself?” He asks as he turns to Y/N. Campbell personally talked to Polly, so Tommy wonders if he did the same thing with Y/N.

She nods as she takes a drag. “He thought I knew something.” She says as she pulls the cigarette from her lips. “And that I was too scared of you to tell him. Offered me protection from you as well.” Y/N shakes her head as she recalls the inspector’s words.

Tommy takes a drag from his cigarette as he studies her face. “Did he say anything else?” He asks her and clenches his jaw when he sees a small hint of fear in her eyes. “Did he do something?” He presses as she stays silent.

Y/N looks down for a moment as both Tommy and John watch her closely. “Not really.” She shrugs, but still refuses to look at them. “He said that if he found out that I knew anything he wouldn’t hesitate to take me down.”

Tommy watches as she fiddles with the cigarette in her hand. Campbell did something to her, he can tell. “Y/N.” His voice low as he tries to press her for more information. “What did he do?”

“It’s no big deal.” Y/N tries to wave it off. “He just scared me a bit, but he didn’t hurt me.” She tells them as she looks up again.

“For fuck’s sake!” John exclaims. “Was turning your underwear drawer upside down not enough for him? What the fuck did he do?” He asks as he clenches his jaw. Tommy eyes darken when he hears John’s words.

“He cornered me.” She sighs as she throws the cigarette she was smoking in the direction of the fire. “I was standing against the counter and he, uhm, he got quite close. He backed off when Moss came into the kitchen.” Y/N tells them as she wraps her arms around herself.

Tommy takes a long drag from his cigarette in the hope of calming down. It doesn’t do much though, especially not when Y/N is standing in front of him looking incredibly uncomfortable. He’s about to say something that he hopes will reassure her, but he’s interrupted by the reporter he had sent word to. So he nods at John to take Y/N with him and watches her and his brother make their way to Arthur at the other side of the fire.


	7. Pregnancies and abortions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy has breakfast and Y/N's secret is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning I guess. It's not detailed at all, but there are mentions of abortion and blood etc. so proceed with caution if these subjects are difficult for you. I don't know much about it myself, so I apologise if there are any inaccuracies, but again it's not descriptive at all.

Y/N spends the night staring at the ceiling of John’s old room. She’s very aware that Tommy is sleeping across the hall and doesn’t want to risk waking him with one of her nightmares, so she stays awake. She doesn’t have work tomorrow, so it won’t be a problem if she’s tired. She wonders if she would have been able to sleep if she wanted to with the noises around her. She can hear Arthur through the wall. He sounds like he’s having a nightmare and part of her wants to get up to help him but she’s not sure how she would be able to, so she stays where she is.

Across the hall, Tommy is staring up at the ceiling as well. He can’t use opium, because Y/N will be able to smell it, and he can’t go to sleep without it, because then the nightmares are even worse. He doesn’t want to worry her, so he stays awake.

* * *

 

The next morning Tommy comes downstairs to find Y/N sitting in the kitchen by herself. The kettle is on and she has spread out some of the food on the table, so everyone will be able to help themselves to breakfast as soon as they come in. “I see you still know the way around here.” He smiles as he recalls the times Y/N has made her way around the kitchen before.

At the sound of his voice, Y/N lowers the newspaper she’s reading and offers him a small smile. “Well, everything is still in the same place.” She says, but her smile falls as she sees the dark circles under Tommy’s eyes. “Did you not sleep well?” She asks and the concern on her face warms his heart, but the question has a completely different effect.

He wishes it could always be like this; her being there in the morning, them having breakfast together. But he also notices how exhausted she looks. “I could ask you the same.” He avoids her question as he takes a seat. “Is John’s bed not comfortable?”

Y/N keeps a close eye on Tommy as he focuses on a cigarette he just pulled out of his pocket. “It was fine, but you know what a light sleeper I am, and Arthur was having a tough night.” She says. She’s not really lying; she is a light sleeper and Arthur was making quite a bit of noise. Tommy doesn’t need to know that she didn’t even try to fall asleep. “You should eat something.” She quickly changes the subject as she pushes the bread in his direction. “You can’t live off cigarettes alone.” She adds as she stands up to get the kettle off the stove.

Tommy watches her move around the kitchen like she used to do as she prepares the tea and reaches out to get a slice of bread. It’s been a long time since he actually ate breakfast, usually he just starts the day with a cigarette and eats whatever is available when he gets hungry, but the domestic scene in front of him is enough to convince him to spend a little more time at the breakfast table.

* * *

 

After Tommy manages to calm the horse down after it got scared by the noise from the factories, he walks past The Garrison where he’s almost hit by the content of a bucket that Grace empties onto the street. She apologizes but he doesn’t quite believe it was an accident. She introduces herself, but he quickly lets her know that he knows who she is.

His jaw clenches when she asks him if she can sing in the pub, his mind going back to how upset Y/N was the other day. He ignores her question as an idea comes to mind. He could use her for his plans with Billy Kimber and get information about who she really is out of her at the same time if he plays things right. So he tells her to pick out a nice dress, so he can take her to the races, and then leaves her behind in confusion.

* * *

 

Y/N is sitting at her desk in the office of The Garrison when Polly bursts through the door. “He’s a fucking bastard!” She exclaims as she slams the door closed behind her. Y/N opens her mouth to ask what’s going on, but Polly doesn’t give her a chance. “You need to talk to him, he’ll listen to you.” She goes on as she paces around the office.

“What are you talking about, Polly?” Y/N asks as she watches the older woman. “What’s going on?” She’s fairly certain this is about Tommy, but why would her talking to him change anything? And what would she even talk to him about?

“Ada’s pregnant.” Polly announces as she stops in front of Y/N. She watches as Y/N’s eyes widen slightly at the news. “It’s Freddie’s, but he left town when the cops raided the place.” She goes on and she can tell that Y/N knew about Freddie and Ada, because unlike the news about Ada's pregnancy hearing Freddie's name doesn’t seem to surprise her. “Ada wanted Tommy to get a letter to Freddie, but he burned it.”

Y/N nods as she takes in the information. She knew about Ada and Freddie but had hoped Ada would be careful enough to avoid a situation like this. “What do you need me for though?” She asks as she furrows her eyebrows. “Tommy’s not going to listen to me, Polly.” She shakes her head at the older woman. Polly still seems to think that she has some kind of hold over Tommy, but she’s pretty sure that stopped a long time ago.

“He will.” Polly says as she looks down at Y/N, who is still sitting in her chair. “He hasn’t eaten breakfast since he came back from France. Then you appear in the kitchen in the morning and he’s been eating breakfast for three days now.” She says as she wonders how Y/N can doubt the hold she still has over Tommy. “You are the only reason we sometimes get glimpses of the Tommy from before the war. The Tommy who believed in love.” She goes on. “Talk to him.”

* * *

 

Y/N finds Tommy in the betting den behind a table covered in cash. His head rests in his hands but he lifts it at the sound of her footsteps. “You’re early.” He states as he straightens his back and tries to look like he’s fine. Y/N has been staying with them for three days now while her flat is being fixed up. It could have been done by now, but Tommy might be slowing down the process a little; his lack of sleep is worth seeing her every morning.

“Polly came to get me.” She tells him as she takes a seat across from him. Tommy nods in understanding as he looks down at the table, expecting another scolding. “Apparently you don’t believe in love anymore and I’m supposed to change that.” Y/N says as she keeps her eyes on him.

“It’s no good for Ada to bring a baby into the world alone.” Tommy says, but he doesn’t look up. “All Freddie sees in her is a chance at that bloody revolution of his, he doesn’t love her.” He adds as he finally looks her in the eye and she can see the turmoil of emotions in them. “I won’t let my sister throw away her life like that.”

“He does love her, Tom.” She says, and she hesitates for a moment but then reaches out to take one of his hands in hers in the hope of reassuring him. “And she loves him.” She adds. “If he knows she’s pregnant he’ll come back for her, you know he will.”

Tommy sighs as his eyes lock on their joined hands. His fingers carefully wrap around hers as he contemplates what to do. He doesn’t want his sister to ruin her life, but if Ada and Freddie truly love each other he doesn’t want to stand in the way of that. “I’ll see what I can do.”

* * *

 

A few days later Y/N finds herself in a room with Ada, who has been on edge for days now. Y/N’s flat is fixed and she’s living there again, but she doesn’t want to leave Ada alone in this situation, so she spends a lot of time with her. She remembers how alone she felt when she found out. Y/N tries to help, but she knows the only thing that’ll really help is if Freddie comes back. She hasn’t told Ada about Tommy’s promise to try and reach Freddie, so she wouldn’t get Ada’s hopes up. She hasn’t told Polly either, avoiding the older women whenever she tries to talk to her about it.

The companionable silence between Y/N and Ada is disturbed when Polly comes in. Polly very much doubts that Freddie will come back, especially now that Y/N won’t tell her how her talk with Tommy went. So she decides that she should take control of the situation. She tells Ada that she should get rid of the baby sooner rather than later. Y/N looks down as Polly says that she did it to herself when she was 16. “And I almost died. And he didn’t come back. They don’t. Why should they? You know the words; you’re a whore, the baby is a bastard. But there is no word for the man who doesn’t come back.” Polly tells her niece.

Y/N squeezes her eyes shut as Polly keeps talking about common sense and a woman in Cardiff who will do it. Polly’s confession brings up memories and her mind goes back to that horrible day in France, to all the blood and how awful she felt afterwards. Her hands clench into fists and it’s becoming difficult to breath as the memory comes back to her. Her eyes fill with tears that roll down her cheeks. She needs to get out, she needs air.

Polly and Ada exchange a confused look as they see Y/N stand up and make her way to the door. The look soon turns to concern as they notice her tears and Polly gives Ada’s shoulder a squeeze before she follows after Y/N. “Y/N?” She asks softly as they both stand in front of the house. Tears on both of their faces and it suddenly appears to Polly that Y/N might be upset over the same thing. But surely that can’t be true. “Did you-“ Polly starts as she steps closer, but she cuts herself off as the idea makes no sense.

Y/N covers her face with her hands, but nods as an answer to Polly’s unfinished question. She hears the older woman gasp and it only makes her cry harder, not caring that everyone can see her. She never wanted anyone to find out, but if anyone will understand it’s Polly. She’s been through the same thing. “I did it myself.” Y/N admits through her tears.

“But why?” Polly asks as she stares at the woman before her in disbelief. “Tommy would have married you on the spot, you didn’t have to do that.” She says as she tries to make sense of the situation. If Y/N had gotten pregnant Tommy would have married her, there’s no doubt in Polly’s mind about that.

“It-“ Y/N starts but cuts herself off again as she shakes her head. She knows she has to tell Polly the whole story now, but the truth still hurts. “It wasn’t his.” She manages to get out, her mind filling with images of that horrible man as he pushed her against the wall of one of the storage rooms in France. “I tried to get him off, but he was too strong.” She cries as she turns to the older woman, desperately wishing she will understand. “I didn’t want him to, Polly, I swear.”

Fresh tears appear in Polly’s eyes as she realizes what happened to Y/N. She’s so shocked that she doesn’t say anything for a while, which causes Y/N to panic. What if Polly hates her now? What if she tells Tommy? They will all hate her for this, she knows they will. This is exactly why she never wanted to tell them. Y/N is about to walk away, sure that Polly won’t want anything to do with her anymore, when Polly steps even closer and pulls her into her arms.

“I know, love, I know.” Polly’s voice sounds shaky as the two women cling to each other. “I’m so sorry.” Polly can’t hold back her tears anymore and they both stand there crying in each other’s arms.


	8. She needs you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Polly can't tell Tommy what's wrong and Freddie comes back for Ada.

The meeting with Campbell went pretty much how Tommy wanted it to. Though he did have to bite his tongue to keep himself from snapping at Campbell for messing with Y/N. Right now it was about the deal, but he would make Campbell pay for what he did to her. He returns home rather pleased with the result of the meeting, but his mood falls as soon as he steps into the kitchen.

Polly is sitting at the table and looks like someone has just died. “What happened?” Tommy asks as he takes a seat across from her. He notices the tearstains on Polly’s cheeks and grows anxious as he notices the faraway look in her eyes.

“Something awful.” Polly says as she feels fresh tears fill her eyes. “Something awful happened and none of us knew.” She whispers as she closes her eyes. Once she had calmed down somewhat, Y/N had told Polly the whole story over tea. Neither of them had touched the tea, but Polly held Y/N’s hand as both women cried throughout the story. Polly feels unbelievably guilty that she let Y/N carry this burden on her own for so long.

“What are you talking about, Polly?” Tommy furrows his eyebrows as he looks at his aunt. “Is it about Ada?” He asks in the hope of getting some idea of what’s going on. What could have happened for his aunt to react like this? “Tell me Polly.” He demands when she doesn’t answer him. If something bad happened he needs to know, so he can take care of it.

“No, no Ada’s fine.” Polly says softly as she shakes her head, and Tommy’s shoulders relax somewhat. “Y/N isn’t though.” She adds, and Tommy immediately sits up straight again. “Something awful happened to her, Tommy, and none of us where there.” She says as she turns to face him for the first time since he came in.

Tommy’s breathing gets heavier as he watches tears spill over Polly’s cheeks. “What happened, Polly?” His voice low as he places his hands on the table. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me what happened.” He adds as he stares at his aunt.

Polly shakes her head. “I can’t tell you.” She says and watches as Tommy’s hands roll into fists. As much as she wants Tommy to know what is going on, she promised Y/N she wouldn’t tell him and she can’t break that promise. “It’s not my story to tell.” She explains as she reaches out to places one of her hands on one of Tommy’s fists. “But she needs you, Tommy.” She says as her eyes lock on his. “She needs you.”

* * *

 

The nightmares are worse than usual that night. His worries about Y/N making him even more restless, which filters into his dreams. He’s almost thankful when Curly wakes him up. That quickly changes as it becomes clear that the horse he got from the Lee’s will have to be shot. The sound of the shot still rings through his ears as he makes his way to The Garrison. His feet had first taken him to Y/N’s house, but Polly had told him to leave her be for today and he didn’t want to wake her up in the middle of the night.

He doesn’t want to be alone though, so he makes his way to the pub thinking he’ll find Harry there. Unfortunately, Grace is the only one there, so she will have to do. In his vulnerable and tired state, he tells her that he’s not used to horses dying. When Grace asks him for more money to buy a dress to wear to the races, he almost smiles in disbelief at the audacity of the woman in front of him; who does she think she is?

Grace sees the small tug at the corner of his mouth and takes it as a good sign. Now that it’s her mission to get as close to Tommy as she can, she plans to win his affections. She’s aware that she’s one of the best-looking women in Small Heath, so she expects that it’ll only take a little effort. So as he almost smiles because she wants more money, she’ll push it a bit further; singing. “That’s part of the deal now too.”

Tommy raises his eyebrows. “Since when?” He says, but he has to admit that Grace has more nerve than most men. He quickly takes the upper hand again though, as he tells her that he knows she didn’t work in Dublin. With half his mind on Ada’s pregnancy and the other half worrying about Y/N, he can only think of one explanation for Grace to lie. So he tells Grace his theory; that she got pregnant and it ruined her life to bring a baby into the world on her own. “So I was right and Polly was wrong.”

Grace doesn’t understand what he’s talking about and it annoys her that he never really seems to answer her questions. She knows she can’t push him too hard for information this soon, so she lets him change the subject to her singing. Confident as she is, Grace expects her singing to have the same effect on him as it has on all the other men in town.

Tommy, however, only asks her to sing because he doesn’t want to talk anymore. And the sound of Grace’s voice is nothing compared to the memories of Y/N’s singing. As Grace sings her song, his mind drifts to happier times and he falls asleep to the memory of Y/N smiling at him as she sings to the men in The Garrison.

* * *

 

Polly is surprised to find Y/N at the door the next morning. After yesterday Polly expected her to need some time alone. “I want to be there for Ada.” Y/N says as an answer to Polly’s confused look. The older woman nods before calling out for Ada and the three of them make their way to the station. Ada walks in the middle as Y/N and Polly each hold one of her arms. Polly talks about what they’ll do afterwards, but Ada and Y/N remain quiet as they clutch onto each other.

All three of them are surprised by the man that greets them at the train. “You came back.” Is all Ada can muster as she frees herself from the women on either side of her. Polly is more shocked than pleased at first. She had given up all hope of Freddie coming back.

“Tommy got a message to me. Said get out of town, take her with you.” Freddie informs them, and Y/N lets out a relieved sigh at his words. Tommy had kept his word. She knew he would, he would never break a promise to her, but she had feared that the message wouldn’t reach Freddie in time. “So, Ada Shelby.” Freddie starts as he gets on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

Y/N and Polly watch in shock at the scene in front of them. It all happens so sudden, that it takes a moment for them to register what’s going on. Y/N’s eyes get watery as she watches Ada and Freddie, and when Ada and Polly hug she reaches out to Freddie, who happily pulls her in.

“I guess a thank you is in order.” Freddie says as he pulls back. Y/N sends him a confused look. “Oh come on, you don’t expect me to believe Tommy tipped me off without you talking him into it.” He grins down at her.

“I don’t know why you think so little of him.” Is all Y/N says in response before she goes to hug Ada. It bothers her that everyone thinks Tommy doesn’t care about love anymore. He was just doing what he thought best for Ada, he didn’t know how deep Freddie and Ada’s love for each other is.

Polly is quick to try to usher the couple onto the train, but they’re once again surprised as Freddie refuses to go. “I’m not afraid of Tommy Shelby.” He says as he takes Ada’s hand and leads her away. Y/N and Polly are left to watch them walk away.

The walk back is mostly silent. Polly is furious that Freddie could be so stupid, but Y/N’s thoughts are somewhere else entirely. She wishes that people believed in Tommy’s kind nature a bit more. She barely registers that Polly has taken a different street, as she sees the subject of her thoughts further up on the street. Tommy and his brothers are making their way down the street in her direction, probably to go to The Garrison, but that’s not important now as Y/N makes her way to them.

Tommy is taken by surprise as he sees Y/N walking straight towards him with a fond smile on her face. Considering the state he found Polly in yesterday, he expected Y/N to look equally upset the next time he saw her. It surprises him so much that he stops in his tracks, which causes his brothers to take note of the situation as well. He’s about to open his mouth to ask her what’s gotten her so happy, when she reaches out and wraps her arms around his neck.

John and Arthur watch with raised eyebrows as Tommy recovers from the shock and wraps his arms around her waist. They haven’t seen the two of them hug since the day they left for France when Y/N and Tommy had hugged as if it would be the last time.

Tommy closes his eyes as he relishes in the feeling of holding her close again. He doesn’t even care why it’s happening, he just doesn’t want it to end. This is so much better than that day in the office of The Garrison. She had been upset then, but she’s happy now. She’s happy and she came to him, that’s all that matters.

Y/N’s eyes are closed as well as she relaxes in Tommy’s arms. After all these years she still feels safer with him then she does anywhere else and she really doesn’t want to let go. “Freddie just proposed to Ada.” She whispers, afraid to ruin the moment. “He met us at the station, said you got a message to him.” She adds as she tightens her grip on him, her fingers gripping his coat as she tries to show him how grateful she is for what he did. “You should have seen her, Tommy, she was so happy.”

“Good.” Tommy mutters. “That’s good.” He says and she can feel his lips brush against her skin as he speaks. The small brush of his lips sends a shiver up her spine and she automatically turns her head to hide it in the crook of his neck. Tommy is glad Freddie came back for Ada, but if he’s completely honest he’s happier about this moment with Y/N.

After a while Y/N pulls back and blushes slightly as she realizes that she just sprung a hug on him in the middle of the street for everyone to see. Tommy smirks as he notices the blush on her cheeks. He hasn’t seen her blush in ages and it’s always been one of his favourite sights.

Arthur shakes his head. He doesn’t understand why Tommy and Y/N won’t admit that they still love each other. He gets that they didn’t come back the same, but the different people they are now could just as easily love each other as the people they were before. John watches Tommy and Y/N with a lingering feeling of jealousy. He wishes he still had someone to love, and here is his brother with the love of his life in front of him and he pushes her away.

“Why don’t you join us for a drink, eh.” Arthur breaks the silence that surrounded them after Y/N and Tommy pulled away from each other. “We were just heading down to The Garrison.”

Y/N’s head whips in Arthur’s direction as she hears him speak. She hadn’t realized that the two brothers had been standing there and witnessed everything. To be completely honest, she hadn’t noticed anything other than the familiar feeling of Tommy’s arms around her. “Sure, why not.” She smiles slightly as her eyes drift back to Tommy, who offers her a smile in return.

After the hug he just received and with Polly’s words from the day before fresh in his mind, Tommy offers Y/N his arm as they all turn to make their way to the pub. If Polly is right and Y/N really does need him then he will be there for her. He just wishes he knew what happened.

Y/N takes Tommy’s arm with a small smile still lingering on her lips and lets him lead her to the pub as John and Arthur walk in front of them. She feels a little lighter than usual as she places her free hand on Tommy’s arm as well. The darkness that found a home in her mind since the war, moves to the background for a moment and she actually feels quite happy.

Once they’re at The Garrison, Tommy helps her with her coat as they make their way into the private room. It doesn’t take long for them to get a bottle of whiskey and some glasses as Arthur pulls out a deck of cards. Halfway through their game the men in the pub start to sing and John and Arthur complain about the noise. As the noise makes it impossible for them to get their order through, Y/N offers to get it. Y/N waves the protests of the boys away, she wants to stretch her legs while it’s not too busy in the pub yet and she was losing anyway.

“You know, it’s about time Tommy.” John says as he sees his brother watch Y/N leave the room. His slight jealousy of his brother doesn’t mean he wants Tommy miserable for the rest of his life. He can tell that Tommy is happier around Y/N and the way he looks at her shows that he still cares deeply for her as well.

Tommy eyes leave the door as Y/N disappears from sight. “Time for what?” He asks casually, though he’s pretty sure he knows what John means.

“Time you took yourself a woman.” John answers as he watches his brother’s face closely. Arthur shakes his head at his youngest brother as he’s pretty sure that Tommy isn’t exactly keen on listening.

Tommy sends John an unimpressed look. “Just play the bloody hand.” He says as he gestures to the game in front of them. He knows how his family feels about Y/N and that they would be over the moon if she ever became an official part of the family. If there was any way for them to be together and for him to help her without bothering her with his scars he would ask her to marry him on the spot, but he knows that if they were to get back together Y/N would insist on being by his side even in his darkest moments, and he believes those are too dark for her to bear.

“You stay the way you are, Tommy. Remember what dad used to say; fast women and slow horses,” Arthur starts, and John joins him in finishing the sentence. “will ruin your life.” Tommy smiles at the statement. He’s fairly certain Y/N wouldn’t ruin his life, he knows she could make it a lot better.

Before anything else can be said they see headlights through the window and John wonders if they’re from the cops, but Tommy knows they’re not.


	9. Heartbreak and anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is both heartbroken and angry, but will he be able to put his own feelings aside to tend to someone else's?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy about this one, but I wanted to post it because I haven't uploaded in forever so please don't be too harsh...

When he hears Billy Kimber come in, the first thing Tommy thinks about is Y/N. He curses himself for letting her get drinks on her own, he should have known better. This is once again proof that his life is not good for her. He can’t show Kimber that she means anything to him since it would only put her in danger, so he tells his brothers to stay seated for a moment longer while he gets his thoughts in order.

* * *

 

Y/N flinches as Kimber shoots at the ceiling. Her eyes widen and her fingers tighten their grip on the glasses she’s holding as she looks at the men standing at the entrance. She was feeling good today, happy even, and now she’s paralyzed with fear. When Kimber asks for the Shelby’s again, Y/N is snapped out of her fear and reminded of the fact that Tommy is near. She feels a little better when she sees him and his brothers step into the main area of the pub.

“Harry get these men a drink.” Tommy says as he steps out of the private room. His eyes scan the crowd for Y/N and when he finds her by the bar he continues speaking. “Everyone else go home.” He says and he tries to tell Y/N that she needs to get out of there with his eyes. The message seems to come across as she gives a curt nod in return before leaving the glasses she was holding on the bar and exiting with the rest of the customers. Some of the tension leaves Tommy’s shoulders as he sees her leave, now he can focus on business without having to worry about her.

Y/N comes to a halt just outside of The Garrison and watches the men head to their homes. She curses under her breath when she realizes that her coat is still inside, which means that the cigarettes she keeps in her coat pocket are inside as well and she’s craving a cigarette right now. She’s just about to head home anyway when Grace steps outside. “Oh Y/N, why haven’t you gone home yet?” Grace asks as she sees her.

“I was going to, but then I realized that my coat and cigarettes are inside.” Y/N sighs. “But who knows how long they’ll be busy, so I might as well go home now.” She adds as she sends Grace a small smile. She’s still a bit wary of the blonde.

“Do you know what that’s about?” Grace asks. She saw Y/N come in with the Shelby’s and on Tommy’s arm as well. It’s clear that Y/N is close to all three brothers, but Grace can tell that there’s something more between Y/N and Tommy even if Y/N tries to deny it. When Y/N shakes her head as an answer to her question, Grace decides to test her theory and see if her next words will make Y/N jealous. “Tommy asked me to go to the races with him. He said I should buy a nice dress.”

A flicker of hurt passes Y/N’s face, but she quickly recovers as she forces a smile on her face and turns to Grace. “Well I hope you have a nice time.” She says to the barmaid, after all she has no right to feel hurt. Tommy can go out with whoever he wants to. “You should buy a dress in a light colour, maybe a soft pink, Tommy likes that.” She almost adds, at least on me he did, but instead she smiles at Grace one more time before she walks away with pain in her heart.

* * *

 

It’s dark outside when there’s a knock on Y/N’s door. She frowns and places her book down on the kitchen table before she gets up and walks to the window to see who it is. She’s surprised to find Tommy looking up at her, and the confusion must have shown on her face because he holds up her coat as an explanation. She wraps her vest tightly around her to ward off the cold air as she makes her way down the stair to open the door for Tommy.

Tommy patiently waits for her to get downstairs. When he went back to the private room to get his coat after Kimber had left, he noticed Y/N’s coat was still hanging there. He knows she only has one coat and thought it best to bring it back to her. His eyes drift to the door as he hears her turn the lock and soon after Y/N’s face appears in the doorway. “I found your coat at The Garrison, figured you’d want it back.” He says as he stretches out his hand to give it to her.

“Thank you.” Y/N smiles as she reaches out to take the coat from his hand. Their hands brush as she accepts the coat and they both let out an involuntary sigh at the familiar feeling. They stare at each other for a moment and when Tommy gives her nod and is about to walk away, Y/N realizes that she doesn’t want him to go yet. “Tommy.” His name leaves her lips before she can stop herself. Her minds goes back to how nice it had been to be on his arm again today and how happy she felt as they joked and played cards. “Would you like to come in for a moment?” She asks hesitantly.

Tommy had turned back to her when she said his name and though he didn’t expect her to invite him in, he’s glad she did. He didn’t want to leave her yet, not after their happy afternoon had been interrupted. So he nods and follows her up the stairs. Once inside her small apartment his eyes take in as much as they can by the light of the few candles that are burning.

“Do you want some tea?” She asks out of habit. The only person that has been around here is Ada and that’s always the first thing she asks. The moment the words leave her mouth she realizes that Tommy most likely won’t want any tea. “I probably have rum somewhere as well.” She offers as she places her coat over the back of a chair before turning to him.

“Rum sounds good.” Tommy says and his eyes follow her movements as she opens a cupboard in search for the rum, when he suddenly remembers how she has been avoiding alcohol ever since she came back from the war. “Actually, tea it is.” He says as he takes off his coat. He drapes it over his arm as he stays in the same spot. He feels a little uncomfortable, it just feels strange to see her in such an unfamiliar environment.

Y/N furrows her eyebrows as she turns to him. Seeing him stand there with his coat over his arm and looking slightly lost in her kitchen, reminds her of the first time he came to her parents’ house. He seems to feel just as out of place now as he did back then. “Tea?” She questions and Tommy nods in response. “Do you want to impress me?” She asks with a small smile on her lips as she puts the kettle on. He had wanted to impress her parents all those years ago as well, and her mother had been sold very easily though her father always remained wary of Tommy.

When Tommy notices the somewhat teasing tone of her voice, he suddenly realizes how similar this situation is as well. “Yes.” He responds, because he tried to impress her and her parents back then and to be honest, he’s still trying to impress her right now. “And do you have a biscuit?” He asks with a slight smile on his face as he recalls the homemade biscuits Y/N’s mother had made that afternoon.

Y/N lets out a soft laugh as she looks at him and it warms his heart to see her like that. “I’m afraid not.” She says and they look at each other for a while, both enjoying the lightness of the moment and the smile on the other’s face. “You can sit down you know.” Y/N says as she gestures to a chair before she turns to the cupboards to get two cups.

“Right.” Tommy nods to himself and drapes his coat over the back of a chair before taking a seat. He watches Y/N move around the kitchen to prepare the tea as he tries to think of the right way to bring up what Polly told him. “Thank you.” He mutters absentmindedly as she places a cup in front of him.

Y/N raises her eyebrows as Tommy seems to be deep in thought. “What’s on your mind?” She asks as she takes a seat opposite him with her own cup held in her hands. It must be something serious she thinks as she sees the look on his face.

Tommy sighs and looks at her. “When I came home yesterday, Polly was very upset.” He starts and he sees her tense up slightly as she lowers her eyes to the cup of tea in her hands. “She said something had happened to you and that none of us were there.” He goes on, he can’t stop now and he’s already decided that he’s not going home until she tells him what happened to her. “She said it wasn’t her story to tell, but that you needed me.” He says as he places his cup on the table and leans forward. “I’m here, Y/N, and I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”

Y/N’s hands are shaking slightly as she realizes that she won’t be able to get out of this; she will have to tell Tommy and then she’ll lose him forever. “You won’t be here anymore if I tell you.” She breaths out as she squeezes her eyes shut.

“I’ll always be here.” Tommy instantly responds. It’s true; nothing could ever make him leave her alone. They may not be together anymore, but Tommy has never left her. He has always checked up on her and made sure she knew he was still there if she needed someone.

Y/N shakes her head and has to put her cup on the table because her hands are shaking too much. She gasps and her eyes fly open when Tommy takes the opportunity to take her hands in his. Her eyes fill with tears as she sees the look on his face. She can clearly see the concern, but what causes the tears to fall is the love she can see in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” She manages to get out before a sob escapes her. “I’m so sorry.”

Tommy can feels his heart break as he watches her and he hates that this conversation is making her feel like this, but he needs to know what happened. “Please, Y/N.” He whispers as he feels his own eyes get watery.

Y/N takes a few deep breaths to calm down and get herself under control as she tries to ignore the feeling of Tommy’s thumbs as they rub soothing circles on her skin; when she tells him he’ll never touch her again. When she thinks that she has calmed down enough to speak, she starts. “There was a doctor.” She squeezes her eyes shut again. “In France.” She adds as the memories once again resurface. “He liked me.”

Tommy clenches his jaw as his mind is already coming up with scenario’s. She was still his girl back then and the thought of another man making advances already has his blood boiling, but he has to hear the whole story.

“We worked at the same field hospital, so I saw him quite a lot.” Y/N goes on. “He asked me if I had someone. I told him I did. I told him there was a soldier out there that needed to come home in one piece or I’d lose my mind, and that that was the reason I became a nurse at the front; to help someone else’s soldier come home in one piece.” Now that she has started the words seem to come on their own accord and she shares even more with Tommy then she did with Polly. “He kept flirting with me and I kept turning him down. One night there was some sort of party and he got drunk.” Her hands ball into fists in Tommy’s loose hold as she gets to the worst part of the story. “He found me when I was alone in the storage room. He pushed me against some crates and he, he.” She can’t get the words out as she shakes her head again in a futile attempt to get rid of the images behind her eyelids. “I tried to push him off, but he was too strong.” She starts to cry again.

Tommy’s hands fall away from hers as he leans back in his chair. He had an idea of what happened when she said the doctor liked her, but to actually hear her say it is both heartbreaking and infuriating. Part of him wants to cry, whilst another part of him wants to find that man and make him pay for what he did.

Y/N is too lost in her memories to notice Tommy’s inner battle. “A few weeks later I realized that I was pregnant.” She says as she manages to get control over her breathing again, and Tommy’s hands grip the side of the table so hard his knuckles turn white. “I-I got rid of it myself. There was so much blood.” She whispers as fresh tears roll down her face.

Tommy has no idea what to do. He does know that he can’t remain seated for another second and his chair scrapes over the floor as he stands up. He covers his face with his hands as he walks to a corner of the room and stands with his back to Y/N.

The scraping of Tommy’s chair causes the images behind Y/N’s eyes to fade and she slowly comes back to the kitchen. She blinks rapidly to get rid of the tears and panic takes over when she sees that Tommy is no longer sitting in front of her. Her eyes franticly search the room and find him in a corner with his back facing her; he can’t even stand to look at her anymore. “I didn’t want him to do it, Tommy, I swear.” She cries. “You have to believe.” She adds as she desperately wishes he won’t hate her for this.

When Tommy hears the desperation in her voice his inner battle stops and only one thing remains; Y/N. His own sadness and anger don’t matter right now; she needs him. “I believe you.” He tells her as he turns around and he can see the surprise on her face. “I believe you.” He repeats as he walks towards her and crouches down in front of her chair. “And I’m still here.” He assures her as he takes her hands in his once again.


	10. Familiar situations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Y/N admit more than they planned to.

Y/N can’t believe that Tommy there with her. She expected him to leave, but he’s right there crouched in front of her and clasping her hands in his. For a moment she thinks things might turn out alright between her and Tommy, that they might actually have a chance again, but then she remembers what Grace told her and she pulls her hands from his grasp as she shakes her head and fresh tears gather in her eyes. “You should go.”

“What?” Tommy furrows his eyebrows. He had hoped that it was clear that he wasn’t going anywhere and that what she told him doesn’t change the way he sees her, but apparently she’s still not convinced. “I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.” He tries to assure her, but she just shakes her head again. “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

“He said you would never want me again if you knew, so after the war when you suggested that we’d stop seeing each other I figured it was the best solution.” Y/N admits. “If there was more distance between us you wouldn’t have to find out what happened.” She sniffles as she looks down at her hands. “And now you’re going to the races with Grace and I-I.” She shakes her head again. She can’t say it, she can’t admit she’s jealous; they’re not together and she has no right to want Tommy for herself. “You should go.”

Tommy stays silent for a moment as he realizes why Y/N is still pushing him away; she thinks he’s pursuing something with Grace. “Y/N.” He sighs softly as he reaches out to take her hands again, but she pulls them out of his reach so he places his hands on her knees. “I need Grace to distract Kimber.” He explains. “It’s just business, she means nothing to me.” He tells her. He can’t imagine ever loving someone other than Y/N and as he’s sitting there looking up at her the words just pour out of him. “I love you.”

Y/N’s head whips up as the once so familiar words leave Tommy’s mouth. The tears continue to stream down her face as she sees the sincerity in his eyes. He means it, he actually loves her, maybe he never stopped. She wants to tell him the feeling is mutual, but when she opens her mouth the only thing that comes out is a sob, so she settles for grabbing his hands.

They sit like that for a while; Tommy crouched down in front of Y/N and their hands clasped together in her lap. Tommy feels his legs go numb but he refuses to move, afraid it might ruin the connection with Y/N that he has only just managed to restore. He hasn’t thought about the consequences of his confession. The only thing that matters is that Y/N needed to hear it and he needed to say it. He couldn’t have her thinking he would ever love someone else.

“Tommy?” Y/N is the one to break the silence as she has calmed down and found her voice again. She watches as his eyes move from their joined hands to her face. “Can you stay?” She asks quietly as she looks into his eyes, where she can see that loving look that was once so familiar.

Tommy nods as he gives her hands an affectionate squeeze. “Like I said, I’m not going anywhere.” He assures her once again before he stands up, groaning slightly as the blood in his legs starts to flow again. “Come on.” He mutters as he lightly tugs on her hands to get her to stand up, before he guides her to the small bedroom.

Y/N willingly follow as Tommy leads the way and blows out the candles in the kitchen as he goes. Once they’re in the bedroom he lets go of her hand to take off his shoes and waistcoat. She moves to take of her shoes as well and drapes her vest over a chair in the corner. Tommy gestures for her to lay down as he walks towards the last candle that’s still burning.

He waits for her to get under the covers before he blows out the small flame and turns around to join her. She has already made room for him in the single bed he recognises as being the same as the one she had at her parent’s house. She’s laying on her side with her back facing the wall and he lays down on his back so she can tuck herself into his side like she always used to do.

They both let out a content sigh as Y/N rests her head on his chest and drapes her arm over his stomach while Tommy’s arm snakes around her waist. Everything about the situation is so familiar that it causes Y/N’s eyes to water again. She missed being this close to him. She squeezes her eyes shut to keep the tears at bay, but his familiar smell and the comforting weight of his arm around her waist prove to be too much.

Tommy goes rigid when he hears her sniffle, afraid that he has gone too far by assuming she wanted to sleep next to him. He doesn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable and he doesn’t want to push her too far, because he fears it will drive her away from him again. “I can sleep on the floor if you prefer that.” He suggest, though he’s not sure if he’ll be able to tear himself away from her.

“No.” Y/N sniffles as she curls further into his side. “It’s just- I just missed you.” She whispers as she hides her face in his chest. Part of her is afraid she’ll wake up in a moment and realize this has all been a dream. It all seems too good to be true; Tommy’s response to what she told him and curling up with him like the last few years never even happened.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” Tommy lets out a shaky breath as he pulls her closer. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away after France, but I’m not the same man anymore and I’m afraid you won’t be able to love me now.” He admits as he squeezes his eyes shut. He didn’t mean to tell her that, he doesn’t want her to have to deal with his problems, but the situation is so familiar that it slipped out. They used to tell each other everything, preferably at night in bed when it was finally just the two of them after a whole day surrounded by the rowdy Shelby’s.

Y/N can hear the pain in his voice and lifts her head from his chest to look at his face. She raises her hand and rests it on his cheek, so she can gently tilt his head in her direction. She patiently waits for him to open his eyes before she speaks. “I never stopped loving you, Tommy.” The words she had wanted to say earlier finally escape her lips.

Tommy can barely believe it. She must have heard the stories about the cuttings and beatings, she has seen how closed off and unaffectionate he has become, and yet she still loves him. It seems impossible to him but he finds nothing but sincerity and love in her eyes. Before he fully realises what he’s doing his flutter closed and his lips gently brush hers. He doesn’t put any pressure behind the kiss, because part of him still fears she might reject him, but when he feels her respond to the kiss he becomes a little more brave.

For a moment it feels like they’re a few years younger, like the war never happened and they’re just a happy young couple like they used to be. When they pull away from each other’s lips it becomes abundantly clear that things have changed, the war did happy and they’re not the same happy young couple they once were. But for the first time since they came back from France, it occurs to them that the scarred people they are now can love each other just as much as those young lovers used to do.


	11. Ada & Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ada and Arthur cause some worry.

Tommy is slightly amused when two irishmen try to convince him they’re from the IRA and want to buy guns. The only things that put a damper on his mood are Grace and concern about how Y/N is feeling after last night. Grace wants more money for her dress and offers to translate for him if he has to deal with more irishmen in the future. He tells her that it’s not him she’s dressing up for and suggest that she buys red to match Kimber’s handkerchief before he walks away from the bar and to the office where he assumes Y/N is working. He hopes it’s clear enough now that he’s not interested in Grace.

“She’s not in.” Grace’s voice stops him just as he puts his hand on the doorknob. He raises his eyebrows in question, but Grace can’t really tell him much because she doesn’t know much either. “She came in this morning, but left after a few hours. Said she had some family stuff to attend to and that she’d be back in the evening to catch up on the rest of her work.”

Tommy furrows his eyebrows as he tries to think of a reason for Y/N to abandon her work. This morning they had left her flat at the same time; he went to the betting shop and she went to The Garrison. She hadn’t mentioned anything about her family. The only family she has left is her father, but he’s in an asylum and Y/N would have told him if there was something going on, right?

Grace watches Tommy as he tries to figure it out. She’s surprised that she’s actually a little hurt by Tommy’s actions. She had assumed he asked her to the races because he liked her at least a little, which would be good for her mission, but now he has made it clear that she’s not coming to entertain him but someone else. That combined with Tommy’s clear interest in Y/N annoys Grace, who is surprised that she has developed a real interest in Tommy.

When he realizes that he has an audience, Tommy quickly leaves the pub and heads home. He spends the whole way home thinking about where Y/N could be and why she didn’t tell him something was going on. The first question is answered when he enters the house to find Polly and Y/N in the living-room. The air in the room feels heavy as both women remain silent at first.

“Are you armed?” Polly asks him before she tells him Ada and Freddie got married and that they’re staying in Birmingham. “Ada got word to Y/N this morning to meet her by the canal, she told her it was an emergency. Y/N ended up being witness to Ada and Freddie’s marriage.” Polly explains as she gestures to Y/N who is sitting down with a thoughtful expression on her face.

Tommy is glad that this means Y/N didn’t keep anything from him, but Ada and Freddie staying in Birmingham is going to cause trouble. “I promised I’d run Freddie out of town.” He says and both women’s heads turn towards him. He tells them it was part of the deal he made with Campbell. During his explanation he moves to stand beside the chair Y/N is sitting on and rests his hand on the back of it.

Polly assures Tommy that she will deal with it, while he in turn assures her that if she doesn’t he will. Polly’s thoughts are occupied with Ada but that doesn’t mean it goes unnoticed when Tommy’s hand moves from the back of the chair to Y/N’s shoulder or when Y/N’s hand moves up to give Tommy’s a comforting squeeze before it returns to her lap. The small gestures makes Polly wonder if something might have happened between them, but she doesn’t give it too much thought at the moment; the priority is getting Ada out of town. She can wonder about Tommy and Y/N’s relationship later.

Polly leaves Y/N and Tommy behind so she can settle things with Ada and Freddie, and Tommy can immediately see that something else is weighing on Y/N’s mind. “What’s wrong?” He asks and he takes a seat as well as he reaches in his pocket to get his cigarettes.

Y/N sighs as she straightens in her chair and accepts the cigarette Tommy offers her. “I saw Arthur when I was on my way to meet Ada.” She says before leaning forward so Tommy can light the cigarette. “At the moment I still thought there was some kind of emergency with Ada, I feared something might be wrong with the baby, so I didn’t stop.” She shakes her head as she takes a drag. She had been terrified when she heard Ada had to see her and that it was an emergency, and she had rushed from The Garrison as soon as she heard. “But he didn’t look good, Tom. I’ve seen it plenty of times with other soldiers. He needs something to do, to keep his mind occupied.”

Tommy nods as he blows out some smoke. He has noticed that his brother is having a tough time and he really should do something about it. “I’ll think of something.” He promises her, which earns him a small smile in thanks. “How are you after last night?” Tommy asks after a moment of silence. Part of him fears that she might regret telling him what she did and they didn’t get the chance to talk this morning, so the question has been weighing on his mind all day.

Y/N stays silent for a moment as she absentmindedly smokes. She hasn’t really given it much thought if she’s honest; her own wellbeing usually put on the back burner when there are other things that require her attention. “I’m alright.” She answers, but it almost sounds like a question and earns her a look from Tommy. “I haven’t really thought about it, Tom.” She admits with a sigh. “The earth hasn’t stopped turning to it can’t be that bad, right?” She tries to make the conversation a bit lighter, but Tommy isn’t having it.

“I know that telling me what happened wasn’t easy on you and I just want to know how you’re doing after reliving those memories.” He says as he leans forward with his elbows on his legs, one of his hands reaching out to give her knee a small squeeze.

Y/N lets his words sink in for a moment. Usually she feels horrible when the memories resurface. She felt awful after she told Polly what happened, but this time it wasn’t all that bad. Of course the memories still made her feel sad, angry and even disgusted, but the feeling had faded much sooner than previous times and she could only think of one reason for that; Tommy. “I’m alright.” She tells him once again, and this time she’s sure of it. “Are you?” She asks softly as she keeps her eyes on his face. She’s afraid that Tommy might have changed his mind today. That he only said and did those things last night because she was upset, but that he doesn’t really want much to do with her anymore.

“I’m fine, I was just worried about you.” He tells her as his eyes find hers. “I meant what I said last night, Y/N; I’m not going anywhere.” He promises her and the intensity in his gaze shows Y/N that he means it.

* * *

 

Y/N steps out of the office at The Garrison to stretch her legs and ask Harry a question, but in stead of Harry she finds Tommy and Arthur in the pub. “Now you’ve gone soft. You’ve gone soft, Tommy.” Arthur says as he looks at his brother before looking around the pub again. “How do we know it’s for sale?”

“Everything’s for sale for us.” Tommy says as he nods at Y/N when he spots her. He says they need a legitimate business to pass the money from the shop. Y/N is a little surprised by Tommy’s sudden interest in buying the pub, but she smiles as she sees how happy the idea seems to make Arthur.

“I hope you don’t plan on firing me, Arthur.” Y/N says with a smile as she watches the two brothers. It’s been a while since she has seen either of them smile like this and it warms her heart.

“Of course not, Y/N!” Arthur exclaims. “I’ll need you to help run this place.” He adds as he reaches out to squeeze her hand, which is resting on the bar. All three of them look up when Harry wanders into the room.

He excuses himself for not hearing Tommy and Arthur come in. “What can I get you?” He asks and for a moment Y/N feels bad as she watches Tommy turn to the bartender to tell him they will be buying his pub. But she’s sure they will keep Harry on and pay him a decent salary, so she doesn’t dwell on it.


	12. Talk to someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy needs to talk to someone.

Tommy is somewhat at a loss when it comes to the situation around Ada and Freddie. Moss told him that if he doesn’t deliver Freddie to them they will take Ada in as an accomplice. She would get 4 years in that case, and he can’t let that happen to his sister but he also can’t just deliver Freddie to the police. Freddie was once his best friend and saved his life in France; he can’t betray him like that. If only Freddie had listened to him and left town when he had the chance. But Freddie had to stay and put his sister in danger, the selfish bastard just wanted to use her to get Shelby back up for his stupid revolution.

By the time Freddie meets him by the canal he has convinced himself of it; Freddie is just using Ada. He tries to stay calm but Freddie makes it impossible. “I won’t let you fuck up my sister’s life for your cause.” He tells Freddie as they both hold each other at gunpoint.

“You actually believe that.” Freddie lowers his gun as he looks up at Tommy. “I love her, Tommy. I’ve loved her since she was 9 and I was 12. She loves me the same.” Freddie gets up. “Do you even know the word?” He asks Tommy.

Tommy wants to shout at him, tell him he knows exactly what love it, but he knows it won’t impress Freddie. “This marriage will not stand.” He says before he leaves Freddie behind. In a hope to find some peace and quiet so he can come up with a plan, he heads home, but all he finds there is Polly who still thinks she knows better.

* * *

 

Danny wakes him up that night to tell him about possible trouble with the IRA, because they think the Blinders killed someone from the IRA. Danny also confronts him about the opium he can smell in the room. The two talk about their experiences for a moment, but then Danny is gone and he’s alone again. He’s so sick of being alone.

The next day Grace approaches him. She tells him Ada was there and that she told Grace that he keeps everything locked up. “Men should talk too.” She tells him. Tommy counters by asking if they should talk to her. “ Why not? I’m a barmaid, it’s my job.” She replies, which amuses him slightly, but when she asks him what he and Freddie are fighting over he has had enough. He leaves his suit jacket and coat behind in the private room and makes his way to the office of the pub without saying another word to Grace.

Y/N is working on the books in the office when she hears a light knock on the door. “Yes?” She furrows her eyebrows as she tries to think of who would be coming to see her in the middle of the day and she’s happily surprised when Tommy walks in. “Tom.” She breaths out as she closes her eyes and the tension leaves her shoulders. The tension that she has been carrying with her since Ada said she was afraid Tommy and Freddie might kill each other.

Tommy frowns as he sees her reaction to him walking into the room. “Are you alright?” He asks, concern filling his voice as he wonders if something might have happened since he saw her the other day.

“I’m fine.” Y/N assures him as she sees him tense up. “I was just a bit worried after Ada came in here last night.” She says as she watches him close the door behind him and step further into the room.

The tension leaves Tommy’s shoulders as he realises that nothing bad happened. “You didn’t actually think Freddie and I would kill each other, did you?” He asks as he remembers what Grace told him Ada said. He hopes Y/N knows him well enough to know he would never kill Freddie.

“Of course not.” Y/N shakes her head. “But it wouldn’t put it past either of you to throw a few punches.” She shrugs and she looks down at her hands to gather the courage to get the next words out. “I was just worried you might have gotten hurt.”

Her last sentence is spoken very quietly but Tommy hears her loud and clear. A small smile tugs at his lips as he leans against the side of her desk. “Why didn’t you come to see me then?” He asks. They may have kissed and spent the night sleeping next to each other, but it’s not clear to him where that leaves their relationship.

“Because I wasn’t sure if you would have wanted me to.” Y/N admits as she looks up at him. Their relationship is just as unclear to her and she really hopes Tommy will be able to shed some light on it.

On the hand it’s relief for Tommy that he’s not the only one who doesn’t know where he stands, but on the other hand it slightly hurts that she was afraid he wouldn’t want to see her; he thought he made it clear he would always be there for her. “I would have been very happy to see you. It would have been nice to have someone to talk to last night.” He admits as he rubs his hand over his face, internally cursing himself for leaving his cigarettes in the private room. At least Grace was right about one thing; he should talk to someone.

“What happened?” Y/N asks as she pushes away her doubts and reaches out for Tommy’s hand which is resting on the desk. “Did it not go as planned?”

“Freddie isn’t going anywhere and Moss told me that if I don’t hand Freddie over, Ada will be taken as an accomplice. She could 4 years if they find her.” He explains as his eyes fall on Y/N’s and his hand on the desk. “To make matters worse, Danny told me people from the IRA think a Blinder killed one of their men.” He sighs. “And all this is happening just before I talk to Kimber again.”

Y/N hums in response as she watches his tense posture. She wishes there was something she could do, but she’s not sure what. “I wish there was something I could do, Tom.” She tells him as she gives his hand a gentle squeeze.


End file.
